The other night, while I was getting a pedicure, Rebekah looked at a woman qho was washing her hands and asked me...

"Mommy, why is she black?"

I didn't really know what to say and Rebekah is not satisfied with "because she is" types of answers. The woman heard Rebekah and I know she wasn't pleased with my lack of response. And Rebekah didn't ask just once, she asked over and over until the woman walked away.

So what would you have said?
What would be a socially acceptable answer (thinking in terms of the woman)?

By the way, I never point out that someone is black or white or anything else. That's all Darren. He'd ask her "what's that little black kid's name?" when she was in daycare. How nice of him, eh? :disbelief

I'd go with something along the lines of people can have different colors of skin, just like the way they have different hair or eye colors. For example, Sean has blonde hair and you have brown hair.

I think that would be enough for Sierra anyway.

:nod: Emma tells me that her daddy's skin in brown, and mine is yellow. (yellow?) Anyway, we talked about how different people look different, and used the hair example as well.

I agree with the others... just explain it simply... there are many different colors of skin. Maybe go to the library and pick out books that have pictures of the different cultures and races and explain how everybody is different. With Kaitlyn - I simply told her that God makes all sorts of different people. Just like He makes animals of different colors, He makes people with different color skin, hair, eyes.


Kaitlyn calls dark skinned people - Chocolate People :) It's cute. Right now, she is more into questioning why people are in wheelchairs, or are missing a limb, or have crutches. She usually asks right in the presence of the person with the disability. I remain matter of fact - never get embarassed... because quite frankly - they dont know... thats why they are asking. It has nothing to do with picking on the person they are asking about. And if I dont provide Kaitlyn with the right info from the beginning - who's to say what she will learn and from whom. Kwim?

Thanks, everyone.

I just wasn't sure what the right thing to say was.
After the fact, I thought about the "because that's the way God made her and God makes everyone different and special" answer. I know that I'll get "But, why?" when I use it though.

I'll elaborate using the hair color example next time. I know Rebekah can relate to that since she recently pointed out that my hair is brown and hers is yellow and she wants her to be brown like mine.

I agree with everyone else. If you want to give a religious answer you can say, "because God likes variety and there are people of all shapes, sizes, and colors." You could give a non-religious answer and say basically the same thing, but leave out the God part. If you wanted to get a little technical, you could say, "well people come from different places, and because of that, they have different features and colors." Then you can take out a book and learn about different cultures, climates, etc.....

I'd use the comparison to eye and hair color differences. :nod: And when all else fails with a child who always asks why, I ask the child, why do you think? Makes them think :awink: If they come up with something, great, discuss it. If not, at least they stopped to think and aren't pestering you with "why? why? why?" :lol:

I would of told her that people are made up of all different colors, just like some people have yellow hair and brown hair, etc. and that everyone looks different.

Kind of OT, but in the girls' playroom I wanted to put some type of border under the crown molding. So I searched for that 'perfect' border for their playroom. I found one that I loved. It's of all different types of children and they are all holding hands. They are all of different ethniticities (ok, I botched that one) (Japanese, Indian, Chinese, African American, etc.), and some children are also in wheelchairs, crutches and they are wearing occupation uniforms (football player, doctor, construction worker, etc.) and some are wearing the clothes for their culture. Having that really helped Alexia understand about different 'colors' (races) and disabilities, etc. because when she saw it she would question things about the children. I'm so glad I found that border. Sorry for getting OT, but I wanted to mention that....

My immediate thought was to use hair/eye colour as an example too.

It's cute. Right now, she is more into questioning why people are in wheelchairs, or are missing a limb, or have crutches. She usually asks right in the presence of the person with the disability. I remain matter of fact - never get embarassed... because quite frankly - they dont know... thats why they are asking. It has nothing to do with picking on the person they are asking about. And if I dont provide Kaitlyn with the right info from the beginning - who's to say what she will learn and from whom. Kwim?
I remember reading a newspaper article where a person who uses a wheelchair was talking about this. He said that having kids ask doesn't bother him at all because it's just their natural curiosity. He's much more likely to be offended by the way the parents react to the question and respond to the child. That really stuck with me. :nod:

Right now, she is more into questioning why people are in wheelchairs, or are missing a limb, or have crutches. She usually asks right in the presence of the person with the disability. I remain matter of fact - never get embarassed... because quite frankly - they dont know... thats why they are asking. It has nothing to do with picking on the person they are asking about. And if I dont provide Kaitlyn with the right info from the beginning - who's to say what she will learn and from whom. Kwim?

That used to happen to my Mom with her daycare kids all the time and often if the person overheard (usually some old man) they would say, "Oh I didn't look both ways before I crossed the street and a car hit me" or "I wasn't holding my Mommy's hand in the parking lot and a car hit me" or something similar, knowing of course that we are always trying to teach that to curious kids who are asking such questions.

I would have said the same thing as everyone else, people come in different shapes and sizes and colours. We don't want everything to be the same, it's boring. Oddly, Mason has never brought this up. But at his daycare there are lots of different colours of teachers and children.

:nod: Emma tells me that her daddy's skin in brown, and mine is yellow. (yellow?) Anyway, we talked about how different people look different, and used the hair example as well.


We have similar conversations, but somehow Janelle is tan (and really, this much is true, she is) and daddy is brown, and Caid is white (this one is also very much true), and I'm pink...pink?!? People are not pink... Plus, I'm the same colour as Caid, almost exactly the same, and Janelle is darker, by a lot, then Ryan...so I have no clue where she gets these colours from.

I just wasn't sure what the right thing to say was.
After the fact, I thought about the "because that's the way God made her and God makes everyone different and special" answer. I know that I'll get "But, why?" when I use it though.

I would have used that answer and when asked why I would have said because wouldn't it be boring if everyone looked the same? That's not fun! God wanted everyone to feel special so he made each one different.

YOu have gotten some very good answers from our group! This had happened to me by my 6 yr old, so I told him in front of the what my 3yr old dd calls the chocolate lady, do you remember that cartoon your brother had on and how Timmy(Fairly Odd Parents) had wished that everyone looked the same and he had a hard time finding his fairy godparent? He said yes he remembered and that Timmy had a really hard time finding them. Well I said that is why God made all of use different. We are all special in our own way, you are short with blond hair and brown eyes and your friend has brown hair and blue eyes. That special lady you asked about is special too, before I could say anything else he said she is special b/c she never has to worry about getting sunburned when she is at the pool. The woman was so nice and flattered that I took the time to try and explain that she said you are right I stay chocolate all year long and that make me special! Only problem is my dd will say look that man is milk chocolate and that one is dark chocolate. So glad no one heard her that day!:doh:

Interesting thread. What do you say in response to the - why is that person in a wheelchair/missing an arm etc., type of question? Because if it is a stranger, you have no idea what happened or why they are in that condition?????

Sandy

If they are in a wheelchair I say privately that they must have some type of very serious booboo that makes their legs not work anymore, and so the wheelchair helps them get around.

I would just say that they can't walk anymore for some reason and that they need the wheelchair to get around.

On the missing limbs...I don't know. That's really hard. I'd probably say that he/she must have had an accident and lost it and hope the person is ok with that explanation.

There is a boy in Mason's before and after school program who uses a walker to help him get around and I just told him that his legs don't work right. That was the end of it. We've yet to see an amputee, so I imagine I'd just say he had an accident and doesn't have his arm/leg etc anymore.

Wheelchair: I would tell him that I don't know exactly but I think maybe his legs don't work very well and the wheelchair helps him get around.

Amputee: I would just say that he might have had an accident and lost his ____. I would't just say ___ happened because I really don't know. I always answer as honestly as I can.

I'm waiting for this to come out of G's mouth any day now. The other night, a lady came over to the house and she was kind of heavy set and Genevieve said "She's not big enough" when we were sitting at the table. I didn't know what the hell she was talking about, and finally we figured out that she was referring to herself by sitting at the table and she wasn't in her booster. Then the other day at Matt's reunion one of his fellow grads was there and this guy has a big mouth. Physically, not literally. He's got a huge smile and teeth to boot. Well, Genevieve looked at him and said "He's funny, he's got a big mouth". I was like thank you for embarassing me o' observant one.

I'm waiting for this to come out of G's mouth any day now. The other night, a lady came over to the house and she was kind of heavy set and Genevieve said "She's not big enough" when we were sitting at the table. I didn't know what the hell she was talking about, and finally we figured out that she was referring to herself by sitting at the table and she wasn't in her booster. Then the other day at Matt's reunion one of his fellow grads was there and this guy has a big mouth. Physically, not literally. He's got a huge smile and teeth to boot. Well, Genevieve looked at him and said "He's funny, he's got a big mouth". I was like thank you for embarassing me o' observant one.


Ohh god, while I was in the hospital my lovely bil taught Janelle the difference between fat and skinny, I'm not exactly sure how it came up or what he told her, but Janelle very much enjoys pointing out who is fat and who is skinny, in public, loudly, and she has been doing it for over a year now and we honestly can not get her to understand the difference between pointing out if someone is fat and pointing out that a car is yellow...to her it's basically the same thing and something she is very proud of. I could seriously kill my bil at times.

I usually tell Katie that it is because God made the person that way and it's part of what makes them special, and she is okay with that answer. If she was asking about an amputee or someone in a wheelchair, I'd probably say that I don't know why, but that my guess was that they'd had a very bad boo-boo.

The problem with those in wheelchairs and even on crutches for me is that Katie doesn't usually ask about them, she just cries. They scare her and I think she thinks they're monsters. :( Once, we were in line with a black man on crutches, and you would have thought that he was the scariest monster ever, based on her reaction to him. I felt horrible. I was trying to console her and simultaneously apologize to this man, who seemed to think her reaction was based on his skin color (and my opinion is that it was based more on the crutches). So totally embarassing. :disbelief:

I usually tell Katie that it is because God made the person that way and it's part of what makes them special, and she is okay with that answer. If she was asking about an amputee or someone in a wheelchair, I'd probably say that I don't know why, but that my guess was that they'd had a very bad boo-boo.


This reminds me of a book I read in high school. It was a true story about a minister who had adopted like 30 kids of different ethnicities and such and they had a friend over and one of the asian kids (I think, it's been 10 or so years since I read this) asked why he was brown when his sister was white and his brother was black. And the friend told some story about how it was like baking ginger bread men, God put one in the oven and took it out after x number of years and thought this is good, then after awhile he decided she wasn't quite done, she was perfect, but still too light, so he did it again, and again it was perfect but he left him in too long, so he did it the third time and got it just right. Anyway, I'm sure I butchered that, but it really was a cute story within the book.

Ohh, on a side note. I checked this book out in '96 and when I read the library card the last person to have checked it out was in '77 and it was my mom!