My DCP is quirky. T is great with the kids but I have issues with how she handles discipline. Yesterday when I came to get Alex after work, she told Alex to tell me what kind of day he had. I could tell by her tone that is wasn't good. Alex just sat on the floor not wanting to come tell me. She insisted he tell me about his day. He came to me in tears. I could tell he was embarrassed and ashamed. I held him and tried to console him. I asked him what happened and he buried his head into me. By this time, he was freaking out and trembling as he cried. T went on to tell me that he had bit Katrina. The other kids chimmed in "Alex bit Katrina". Katrina came over to show me her arm. There was a slight mark. It's not the first time either has bit each other. When they bite, it's always each other. It doesn't happen very often and it's always over a toy or when they are frustrated. I asked him if he went to time out, which he responded yes.

Am I wrong in thinking that since she already punished him that it should be over? Do you think she could have told me about it quietly and I could have talked to him about when we were alone? Instead she embarrassed him in front the other kids and acted as if I was to punish him when we got home. I can't punish him after the fact but I can discuss it with him.

Am I being unreasonable or is speaking to her about her method warranted?

I don't think any other discipline is needed.
I don't agree with how she forced him to tell you what happened in front of the other kids. She should have told you discreetly.
When I worked in a daycare we weren't allowed to disclose the biter or the bitee to anyone but the parent of that child.

i would tell her i prefer she tell me things like that in private. poor alex!

I agree with you. She should tell you things like that in private. And I agree that if he's already had a timeout or whatever, you shouldn't discipline him on top of it.

Dennis

I agree. She shouldn't have made him tell you in front of the other children like that - personally, I don't think she should have made him tell you at all, I think it would have been sufficient for her to quietly let you know what happened and then you could have talked to Alex about it. And I don't think he needs to be punished any more for the bite.

I agree with you BIG TIME!! Discipline should be done with love, it should NEVER include humiliation!! :furious: And when a time out is over, the ENTIRE incident is over!

well at my DCP, they tell you privately by writting a note.

however I disagree with no follow up discipline. I think you should follow up with why we don't bite and why it is not nice etc

My DD has been bitten 3X (in one month) by the same girl at her DCP, and her parents do not follow up and she is still biting, and I know they are not following up because her mother just looked at me and said "its a phase" (not saying you are doing that at all or anything)

I totally agree w/ everyone. That isnt the proper way to handle the situation. :(

I agree :nod: She should have pulled you aside and told you about the biting and then let you handle the situation at home the way you feel is best. Poor Alex :(

I sort of agree that follow-up discipline is ok. Reminding that biting is not nice, etc, is fine. But it should NOT be done in front of the other kids. Or it should be done as a group lesson, not to single Alex out.

She should have pulled you and Alex aside and talked about it privately, using that time to reinforce to Alex that biting is not OK at her house.

however I disagree with no follow up discipline. I think you should follow up with why we don't bite and why it is not nice etc

I agree with that, but that's not what I meant by discipline. I was referring to a time out, taking away a toy, or some other form of punishment.

I speak to my daycare parents away from the kids when something like that happens. If it's a hitting incident or something OTHER than biting - I ask the parents NOT to make any issue of it at home... that what happens at daycare, stays at daycare - and that I ask that they have faith in my ability to handle the situation effectively. I do NOT tell them what child their child hurt... they dont need to know that.


However - when it comes to biting... I still talk to the parent away from the child... but then, I give the parent a "biting package" which contains info on how to help curb the behavior at home and at daycare. I ask that they not "be hard" on the child... but simply to incorporate "no biting your friends" discussions in their activities together. I do up "injury reports" for children who are bitten... and I log any "violent" incidents in a journal. This way, repeated behavior can be monitored closely - and I also have no problem dismissing a child from my daycare if the behavior cannot be curbed.

Using humiliation is not appropriate. That child will either become a very sneaky kid and do things behind the parents and DCP's backs... OR he will become a very shy and withdrawn child at daycare - afraid to speak up or participate, in fear of being humiliated in front of the parent again.

I agree with that, but that's not what I meant by discipline. I was referring to a time out, taking away a toy, or some other form of punishment.

I kinda agree, but if Kalli bit someone at school she wouldnt get a bead for the day (they can redeem beads for good beahvior complete ot)

ie I normally reward them for good days at school and she would get a reward(bead)

KWIM

We have discussed biting at home and we continue to do so. He knows that biting is wrong, same as hitting or kicking. We do reinforce his good behavior. I asked him yesterday if he had a good day and he said he did. "I didn't bite anyone mommy". I praised him for it and I gave him a sticker when we got home.

Chantel, I can appreciate where you are coming from. When I worked in daycare, we didn't disclose the biter or the bitee to parents. My DCP discloses it. In fact, I'm afraid she broadcasts it. I don't have faith that she can handle the discipline. I will not go home and put my child in time out after the fact. I wasn't there to see the offense. The DCP should be able to handle that right when it happens. I don't take biting lightly. I don't like it when my child bites or is bitten.

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I am going to ask that in cases like this going forward that she writes me a note or talks with us away from the other children.

Riley's bitten two kids this week, and her teacher has attributed it to her being in a new classroom. She started in it on Monday. Both times the teacher told us when Phil picked her up at the end of the day. The teacher doesn't disclose to us who did it.

When Riley has been bitten before, the teacher fills out an injury sheet, calls Phil to let him know, and applies ice or TLC or whatever she needs. We never find out the name of the child who did it.

I think the way your DCP handled it was very childish, for lack of better words. I agree that your child doesn't need to be embarrassed like that. I hope that your DCP will stop doing that.