My LOVELY three year old just PUNCHED me in the face. Yesterday, he slapped me so hard, I almost cried. I am ready to tear his f'ing head off! Luckily, he's in his room for a time out and I don't mean a "one minute for each year of his life" kind either. I am not about to let him out for a while. I can't believe he PUNCHED ME! He has always had a problem hitting and kicking me. The one who loves him the most! He doesn't hit his friends and is appalled when he sees someone hitting (for the most part at least.) I am so sick of this. I emptied his room - down to nothing but a bed and an empty dresser a while back because of this. Then we started taking away his Thomas trains. That seemed to work, but now I don't know. I have a really strong feeling that this is ALL about his daddy not being here. He's been gone a week already and will be gone another full week. When I was gone for 3 days, he acted similarly, so I'm betting he is having trouble dealing with his emotions of missing his daddy. Still, he must not do this. Now, we are getting ready to go to his best friend's house and then off to Chicago. Great - he hits me and I reward him. I'm so sick of this. We had a huge talk about how it hurts me and how he must not do it anymore just yesterday. I know talking isn't all that effective since he's only three, but I don't know what to do. Time outs don't work. I don't think taking toys away will work because he'll just move on to the next toy. I've considered taking away tv time, but that's not an immediate punishment and I don't know if that would work or not. I suppose that's what I'll have to do next. I used to fake cry whenever he hit me and it would really upset him, but he would still hit and hit again. I need something to stop this. I think I'll take away tv next. Any other things that have worked for you guys?

Thanks!

Oh, and the whining and crying - UGH! I remember Karri posting about that and it is just un-f'ing-believable! Can you tell I'm in a really good mood?!

Oh Brandi I'm sorry :( I have no advice .. I used to have a friend who's son punched,kicked and swore at her ( he was 3 too) and no matter what she did nothing worked, I hope someone has some advice to offer I just wanted to give you a :bighug:

I have no advice Brandi :hug99: For us, it was a phase we had to muck through for the most part :hug99:

Brandi, no advice here, either. :hug99:

Just offering some hugs. :hug99:

:bighug:


I got SuperNanny's [Jo Frost] book. I will check it out what she says about hitting/punching. Will post more later.

Oh Brandi I am so sorry and :justahug:! On the supernanny she said NEVER put your child in his room for a punishment. You are to pick an area that is not the area he takes a nap in or sleeps in at night. Do you have a guest room? If not get a time out carpet chair what ever and put him say in the laundryroom doorway or something else like that where you can keep an eye on him. Good luck and I hope this phase passes real soon for you!

Oh man Brandi - :bighug: No advice, just keep doing what you are doing. Can you schedule a weekend to yourself when your DH comes home, sounds like you might definitly need it :)

No advice, but coming to look what others say, since I got slapped hard yesterday for the terrible sin of making her brush her teeth.

No advice, but coming to look what others say, since I got slapped hard yesterday for the terrible sin of making her brush her teeth.
Bonnie who slapped you? Is this on a thread I can not read yet? Sorry you got slapped.

Gymboreegirl (not sure of your name, sorry :) )
I think Bonnie might have gotten slapped by one of her children, not an adult just in case you were thinking that...

Brandi, I WISH I had some advice, but unfortunately we are in a similar behavioral boat-Zack throws, and we've gone through every level and location and duration of time-out, taking away toys and privleges, yadda yadda, and to no avail. Occasionally the throwing does damage or causes injury (he hit Missy's Hannah in the head with a car :( ) and it's completely infuriating. I have to say, I'm sorry you had to feel that way, but I felt much better when you said that you were ready to tear his f-ing head off... I have felt that way too, but I think as mothers we are usually afraid of verbalizing that feeling: it helps SO MUCH to know that I'm not the only mom who has felt like this! I don't have any answers, but you do have my support and understanding, and hopes that we can all survive the Three's! :bighug:

Gymboreegirl (not sure of your name, sorry :) )
I think Bonnie might have gotten slapped by one of her children, not an adult just in case you were thinking that...
Oh my name is Debbi and thank you for clearing that up.

Are you people insane or just from a planet where spanking has never been invented?

I'm sorry this happened, Brandi! :hug99:

Kristen, I think every mother has felt that way at some point! :lol:

Brandi, I'm sorry that Carter is doing this. I dion't have a solution for the problem either.
Spanking wouldn't work because that would be hitting when you are trying to teach him not to hit. Anyway this isn't about that.
I think I know you well enough to say that in general you are a very patient mother but anyone can lose their patience when being pushed and hit.
When Dylan has hit me, I refuse to talk to him for a few minutes. He will wants hugs and kisses and I will tell him no because he hurt me and I am very sad. I will tell him to go away for a minute and that I don't want to be near him if he is going to be mean.
Sometimes taking things away can seem more like a punishment for the parent than the child.
Don't think of going to see his friend as a reward for him. Think of it as a break for you.

Spanking wouldn't work because that would be hitting when you are trying to teach him not to hit. Anyway this isn't about that.

Anyone who thinks spanking can't cure a child of hitting is quite naive. Most children of normal intelligence understand that mom or dad whupping their butts in a controlled, reasonable way to correct them is NOT the same thing as them hitting other people because they are angry. I knew it, my siblings all knew it, my son knows it.

Anyone who thinks spanking can't cure a child of hitting is quite naive. Most children of normal intelligence understand that mom or dad whupping their butts in a controlled, reasonable way to correct them is NOT the same thing as them hitting other people because they are angry. I knew it, my siblings all knew it, my son knows it.

http://pics.bikerag.com/Uploads/data/500/258Troll_spray.jpg

Thanks Kim! Much needed.


I'm sorry Brandi. I hope he figures it out soon. We've been down that road with our boys too. They both went through that phase.

http://pics.bikerag.com/Uploads/data/500/258Troll_spray.jpg

Seriously :rolleyes:

Thanks again ladies! That troll spray is hilarious! I love it! BUT, I must admit, we have started spanking him. I KNOW how people feel about it and I must admit, I really never wanted to do it. I always felt like spanking just taught them to hit. BUT, it seems to be working. We have tried so many different things and he is so completely stubborn and wants to be in charge. He is very disrespectful and I don't even want to just try to ride the wave through this phase. I truly believe that we need to nip this in the bud NOW. I have seen way too many parents IRL that have children who run the house. I WILL NOT let that happen in my house. I have been reading "Dare to Discipline" by James Dobson and I really like it so far. I know that many people think he is crazy, but I do respect him! When I spank my son, I try to do it calmly so he knows that this isn't about being mad at him, but about him being disrespectful. I also tell him that I am not hitting, I am "spanking" him and it's a punishment for his behavior. I don't hit very hard (just enought to sting). I would never dream of leaving a mark on him. I do it once. He is getting the idea that he cannot talk to us the way he has been lately. Afterwards, he sits in my lap and cries and I tell him how much I love him and that I don't like spanks either. We talk about what he did and how it's wrong. I tell him that no matter what, I will always love him. Even when he does bad things, he is always my number one son and I will love him (and his daddy and his sister) more than anyone else in this entire world. I think he totally understands me. We have WAY more successful talks when we do it this way. When I just put him in a time out or took away a toy, etc, he would be so mad at me and I couldn't talk to him. It was not successful and I don't think he learned much from it. He was still in control basically. I do not plan on spanking for very long. I'm hoping that we are headed in the right direction.

Please don't tell me how much you don't like spanking and why. I don't mind if people don't do it. That's fine. I respect everyone's parenting tactics as long as they are not doing harm to their children. ( I KNOW - spanking hurts, but that's not what I mean). I was always on the side of not spanking. But, as I am in the midst of this, I have been reading and thinking and praying that I will do this parenting thing the best way I can. This is what we have chosen.

I think I'll start a thread for those who do spank.

Still - I love that troll spray!

Sounds like you're doing awesome, Mom! :aok: Dare to Discipline is a great book! :nod:

I posted in your spanking thread, but feel free to PM me if you need have any more questions. :hug99:

Brandi, does he only do it when either you or his dad has gone away?
I know my son has been acting out and it's hard for me to remember that his daddy is gone and that, even though he knows he's away for work, it's still been weeks and that has to be hard for a little one to understand. So, we try to do a lot of talking (when he's not "being bad" ) about how much daddy loves him and wishes he could be with him and I give him extra hugs. It seems like he's worse when I can't spend time with him because of the baby.
You still have to do the discipline that works when he does hit, but I was wondering if that might help stop it, too.

I don't spank, it's not for me, but I have a friend that I work with (a dad) who has used spanking with his son, and it has been quite successful. I very much respect the way he has used spanking as a consequence and centered its use around communication and choices/consequences for his son, who is now 9 years old. (I met him and we started discussing this when Reid was 4) He would always give Reid a certain number of warnings, inform him that spanking was the next consequence, and then he would follow through calmly and end with talking it out, just like you. I never thought I could even wrap my brain around spanking, but knowing that he and his wife are wonderful parents and seeing it in action, though it's still not for me, I do believe that it can be done in the context a loving home and benefit family life by making order out of chaos. :bighug: I hope it continues to work for you, and that he changes enough so that you rarely have to use it! Wouldn't that be nice! :)