I just wanted to add a tidbit to the article Andrea posted in Theresa's thread about trying to help out her friend....

For women suffering with secondary infertility (meaning they already have 1 child but cant conceive #2)... NEVER NEVER NEVER say "Oh you should just be happy that you have been blessed with your firstborn." That cuts... deep... to the core.... hurts like heck... makes me want to scream, kick, bite, hit, snarl at the person saying that to me. WHOLLY FRIG --- I cant understand how someone could assume that I am NOT over the moon thrilled to be the Mommy to a child that I struggled to conceive and give birth to.... that I cherish her even MORE now that I struggle even longer to have another child.

People who make the "just let it go and be happy with what you have" comment really piss me off. I REFUSE to be "happy with what I have" when I long to have another child to hold my hand, call me Mommy, wrap their little arms around my neck and cover my face with kisses... WHY should I EVER "settle" for having one child??? The hard part with secondary infertility is that you KNOW you can get your body to work... it worked for baby #1... so, I keep plugging away -- hoping to find the right combination to get pregnant.


I know that right now, I have been invited to a baby shower for my cousins wife (this is her 2nd pregnancy) and I KNOW that I will be swamped with the ever famous "when are you having another one?" bullshit that she and her relatives throw in my face. Esp, since Kaitlyn and Maddie (her firstborn) are a week apart in age. Not to mention the fact that Kelly WILL spend time bitching about her pregnancy and how huge she is, and how miserable she is, all the while stuffing her face and telling me how MY doctor is an idiot - that since I got pregnant with Kaitlyn within 3 months of fertility drugs... that he is screwing things up this time - resulting in my ttc #2 journey being so friggen long. :grr: I am contemplating attending the shower - just so I can tell her off. Pathetic eh? But MAYBE that will shut people up and make them back off.

NOW I am pissed off too - because I am reading about how Clomid affects the uterine lining for long term users of the drug. :banghead: I am now wondering if maybe THAT's why I didnt conceive last cycle. I am getting pissed off that my specialist doesnt seem to be overly keen on monitoring me via ultrasounds and such. He does draw blood on CD 24 to confirm ovulation... but that's it.

I have decided to start baby aspirin tonight - through till I get pregnant and am told to stop taking it.

Please dont suggest I see another specialist -- because around here, he is the best we have... he has a fantastic reputation... and is very very much a first choice for doctor referrals... Maybe he knows something I dont... I keep trusting that he has seen enough cases like mine, that I have to have faith that he is approaching this in the least invasive and most productive way possible.

Thanks for reading my ramble... yes, I know I am talking in crazy circles... blame it on the Clomid ;)

Just needed to get all that off my chest.

I hear ya :hug99:

I don't get the "at least you have her" comment very often, and when I do, it's usually from someone suffering from primary IF. IF sucks, plain and simple. No one understands it except those of us suffering from it. Even then, we can only know our own pain, no one elses.

I am to the point when no matter how many STUPID/IGNORANT comments people make, I tend to just let it roll off my back. Either that or I comeback with a guilt ladden response and make them feel horrible for opening thier mouths :angeldevi

Please share those guilt ladden responses ;)

I can't think of any off the top of my head and they are few and far between, but I just share how difficult it's been and why we're going through this and how lucky they are to not know what it's like

OMG! I could have written your post. I am so glad that someone else feels this way. I (like you) am thrilled to have my daughter and I feel fortunate that we did get pregnant and have a healthy pregancy the first time. That doesn't make my desire for more children go away. It's a really sticky situation having secondary infertility. Just know you are not alone! :bighug:

(And, your post made total sense to me - blame it on the 250mg. of clomid pulsing through my body right now. :lol: )

You ladies will appreciate this one.... First off, my MIL and I have a rocky relationship at best. During our second IVF cycle almost a year and a half ago, I was explaining to her that there can be serious consequences to IVF and that it is possible to die from problems that can arise during a cycle.

She said to me "Susan, you have a beautiful little girl, why can't you just be happy with her?"
Without skipping a beat I said "Well, for the same reason you had your son Matt (son #2). Or would it be okay if he'd never been born??"

I have never heard another word from her on this subject again.

I'm sorry you ladies have to deal with such ignorant people! :hug99:

:fryingpan: to everyone and their stupid comments! I know I would never feel my family is complete with only one child. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, Chantal! :hug99:

Totally with you on this one! I LOVE my son more than anything. He is a tremendous blessing and I thank God every day for giving me such a wonderful gift! BUT, I have always wanted a big family. I'm one of 5 kids and my mom is one of 4. I can't imagine NOT having lots of kids running around! Are we crazy to spend thousands of dollars on IF treatments when we already have a beautiful child??? I don't think so!
Fortunately for me, EVERYONE who knows me knows that we did IVF to have Nathaniel. Although we do get asked when we're planning to have #2, no one is stupid enough to ask why we'd do this again!!!

Amanda

Wow I can totally relate! I agree with Andrea that most people who've I heard say things were primary IF. Well I had primary with our first and secondary now. And you know what it sucks both ways! no one has it easier trust me! ;)

After our first m/c(riley was 6 mnths) My dad of all people said to me well that's ok, it was too early anyway.(I had a c/s and they say you need to wait longer to get pg again) Umm I'm sorry it's ok?! WTF?! No it's not ok to lose a baby. Ever. He just didn't know what to say and really that comment first came from his gf who really should have known better. I'm starting to get that you should be happy with just having RIley now that it's been 22 months of trying and 6 m/c's later. You know what it is no one elses call how long or hard we try for our children. It's our choice and our lives. And none of this is easy at all. But we all still keep going.

I have yet to be able to really say something witty back. But all those comments just make me nutty. After our third m/c my sister was telling my cousin.(we had to cancel plans since I was in a ton of pain) And my cousin actually said, oh well at least she knows she can get pg on her own now. My sister very quickly said yeah well that doesn't do her any good if she can't keep her babies! Seriously is that supposed to make me feel better? Oh yeah, now i can get pg on my own but lose the babies so I'm now feeling pain I couldn't imagine before. Yep that's great.:(

Ahhh, I just wish that people would really think about what comes out of their mouths. I mostly let it fly away because I know some just don't know what to say. But a simple I'm sorry you've had to go thru that would work no matter what is your case.

Chantel I'm so sorry you've had to go thru all that.:( I hope that things get better really soon for you. And I'm sure that your RE will do a good job. If it makes you feel better you can always ask him to monitor you more. He might be open to doing that. I asked my RE when we were trying on our own if they would monitor me thru the entire cycle and he was open to doing that. If it would make you feel better then ask him, he might just do it.:) I know it sometimes is just piece of mind to have more info on what is going on with you. I like to always know everything that is going on. Hopefully you won't need more than one more cycle!:)

Sarah