My DH and I have been TTC for 4 months. And every month that I get my period I get more and more depressed about not getting pg. It doesn't help that everyone around me is either pg or just had a baby. I know 4 months of TTC is not that long. But I can't help but feel frustrated. And the worst part is I get jealous of the people around me that are pg or have babies. I don't like feeling that way towards friends and family. Any advice?

I have been there and done that! Like you said 4 months is not a long time, but it is still hard. I had a m/c in Jan of 2003 and had to deal with my 2 SILs pregnant. IT was very difficult and extremely upsetting to me, but you do get through it. There are alot of people on this board who have gone through similar situations and will give you great support threw this!


Good luck and hopefully you will be pg soon!

~Kerrie

Thanks for the support. I'm going to try and relax and not worry about it.

KellyJo,

There are a lot of people here who had difficulty getting pregnant right away. I'm sure you can find lots and lots of support here! Good luck!

Been there and going through it again. Took 10+ months (including 2 rounds of clomid) to concieve our daughter. We are now TTC #2 and it's been since October 2003 :( I see a specialist in 3 weeks. Good luck to you.

Hi and welcome KellyJo! :welcome:

I totally understand being depressed about not conceiving right away. I think we're all programmed to think that if you have unprotected sex you'll get pregant right away. I think the honest facts are that you only have a 25% chance of conceiving any given cycle, if there are no issues.

With my first, Avery, it took us 6 cycles of "trying." I charted, temped, took robitussin, vitex, baby aspirin, etc. I cried every time my period came. Two close friends found out they were pregnant in October. (One was TTC, other other just came off the pill, and conceived all 3 of her kids rthe first month off the pill, no "trying." )Right before my birthday, I had a lot of ovarian pain, so I saw my doctor. I showed him my charts and stuff, and told him everything I was taking. He told it me it appeared that I was ovulating, and to dump the charting, temping, etc, and just have fun. That cycle I just kept an eye out for EWCM, and we just enjoyed ourselves. That very cycle, I got pregnant.

With Sabrina, I got pregnant on our 2rd cycle of trying (3rd cycle off the pill.) I didn't chart, temp or anything. We just had sex during my fertile period. We also went to Baltimore during my fertile time and came home with a souviner of the trip.


I'm a firm believer in not stressing out about it. It was so hard that first time when I would cry in my husband's arms when my temp would dive, or I'd get a :bfn:. I really think that stressing out delayed things for us.

My doc said that he waits a year before he treats a patient for Infertlity. He wants to see you charting and timing sex correctly first. He recommended starting at day 10 of your cycle and having sex every other day.

Good luck and again, welcome!

Hi Kelly! I feel your pain :hug99: To conceive Kaitlyn - we tried on our own for a full year... then I finally saw a specialist and spent 3 cycles on 100mg of Clomid for 5 days at the start of each cycle. Luckily I conceived on the 3rd cycle. This time around however, it's been a different story. It has taken us almost 9 months of ttc... 6 of those 9 have been spent taking medication to bring on AF, meds to ovulate (Clomid) ect. I even have been put on Metformin to try and help the Clomid work better, as I have been bumped up to the max dose - 100mg for 8 days each Cycle.


No matter the struggles to conceive - it is NEVER easy when someone announces that they are pregnant. I admit that I have a bigger chip on my shoulder than most non-infertile women do. It never gets easier. I try my best to grin and bear it - then secretly beat the crap out of my pillow, because I just cannot decipher for the life of me, WHY I have been given such a rotten hand when it comes to having the most precious of all gifts -- a child.

Anyhow - I dont have any "secret recipe" as to how to deal with the monthly dissappointment... all I can say is never give up - until you have exhausted ALL efforts and have made EVERY attempt to learn about your body and what it takes to get pregnant and have a baby.

Do you temp and chart?

Kelly Jo, I do understand your frustration as well......I'm 7w4d pregnant, and it took us 5 months. On month 4, I posted a thread "How long did it take you to conceive?" and if you read it, you will see I was seriously starting to stress out and get depressed and questioning what was wrong with me. I knew that it might take a while, but it was starting to wear on me anyway. I had friends that got pg right away, and I thought I would as well....

At some point, like month 3 or 4, I decided to use the time I had until the next "hopefully pg" date to concentrate on losing weight and accomplishing some things for me..... It was hard to concentrate at first, but it worked for me, I got into it, and when AF arrived, I thought, "well, I have another few weeks to lose a few more pounds...." While the pg thoughts were always in the back of my mind, weight loss and exercise was a decent distraction for me........
The month we conceived, I was sure we were late in BDing...and was positive we missed our chance...I think the time we actually conceived I told DH it was too late, I O'd already, and we did it just for fun.....and then BFP showed up.....and now I'm puking my guts out......(6 times today already)

I can't tell you to take it easy and not to worry, because you probably will worry anyway....but do try to keep in mind that like Colleen said, even under perfect conditions, there is only a 20% (the number I came across) for conception in any given cycle....and 4 months REALLY is not a long time.....it seems long to you because you are the one going through it. Take hope in stories you hear from other ladies here :) It will happen for you~~!!!!!

I just wanted to include my story:

In Dec of 2002 I got pg after almost a year of trying. I m/c at 6 weeks. Very difficult since the following week I had to help host my SILs baby shower. April of that year I spoke to my OB about IUIs and he got me set up with the RE. Started treatment with Clomid and IUIs and actually did 5 IUIs before I got pg in DEc of 2003. There were alot of prayers going around too!

It will happen. I used to hate taking the darn pg tests. I was so convinced I wasn't pg that I turned the test upside down so I wouldn't see the result! If you feel that you are concerned talking to your OB doesn't hurt although he/she will probably tell you to keep trying (we had male factor IF which pushed us ahead to the RE).

~Kerrie

Thanks to everyone for you stories and support. It really helps to know I'm not alone. I wish I would of asked for advice sooner. There are some great people here.

Here is a little bit of my history. My husband and I have no medical problems that we know of. Both of our families have been very fertile. I have been using OPK and found that every month I ovulate around the same time and AF always comes on day 28. So based on this I thought I was pretty regular and would have no problems. One thing I haven't been doing is charting my temps. (Can't seem to remember every morning) Last month I thought for sure I was pg because I spotted the week before AF came and just felt yucky. But AF came right on time once again. The hardest part is telling my DH every month. I look so forward to telling him that I am pg that it gets harder every month to tell him I'm not.

And alot like the stories I read here I have so many people around me who had no problems getting pg. My SIL got pg on her honeymoon, and one of my friends due in October 2005 didn't even know she was pg for the first 2 months. Isn't that crazy!

For now I'm going to take advice from you all and try not to worry about it.
Thanks everybody!

If your cycles are very regular and all... have you put any thought into maybe having your DH take vitamins, have testing done - just to see if maybe it's an issue with his swimmers?

Chantal-
My DH is taking vitamins, but he hasn't had any testing done. I might give it a few more months and if we still aren't successfull then I think we will have some testing done. One of my concerns is the amount of caffiene he drinks every day. I hear that can effect fertility. So I might talk to him about that.

Kelly Jo

I have heard mixed reviews on caffeine. A friend of mine was told that he husband should drink Red Bull (its high caffeine pop) to make his swimmers more active - as he had issues with his swimmers. So I dont know how much I would worry about that. *shrug*

Does he smoke? I know that smoking really affects the quality and quantity of swimmers. Even 2nd hand smoke. That came from my fertility specialist.

I've heard caffeine is GOOD for men, but BAD for women with fertility issues :dunno: Not sure how true it is though.

I've heard caffeine is GOOD for men, but BAD for women with fertility issues :dunno: Not sure how true it is though.

:nod: and I am not sure about how it affects women... just to avoid it during ttc and pregnancy... or rather, consume it in moderation.

Believe me, I know what you are feeling.

We have been TTC for almost three years. We have unexplained IF. I have very regular cycles, ovulate regularly, great CM, blood tests are all normal, DH's tests are all normal. Sometimes there just are no answers -- nor were there any signs early on that I would still be here three years later. Sometimes you just don't know.

Everyone will tell you not to stress out about it, but sometimes that's just impossible to do when it's something you so despearately want.

I don't really know what advice to give other than to tell you you are not alone. It does seem like everyone is PG but you but I think the stats are actually 1 in 6 couples has IF problems (of a year or more). I think it's normal to be jealous when someone else is PG and I don't think there's much you can do to control those emotions. Don't feel guilty about them. You can control how you act on them, but not how you feel.

My only advice is to try not to let it control your life -- either you will get PG soon, in which case it's not worth getting worked up over, or you won't, in which case you need to be prepared for the long haul. You don't know and there's no way to predict it. So try to take care of yourself and take care of your marriage. Spend time with your husband, pursue your hobbies, plan a vacation, do the things you would normally do. One mistake I made was putting my life on hold b/c I kept thinking I'd be PG any month. Life is too short to spend that way.

I hope you get good news soon.

So caffeine might be ok for men but not women? Thats interesting. I guess I won't worry about that then. As long as he does it in moderation. He doesn't smoke so we don't have to worry about that. Anybody have recomendations on vitamins for dads to be?

I just wanted to jump in and say that I am another case of taking forever to get pregnant.. took us a full year and about 4 months in, we had friends get married and fall pregnant on there honeymoon and the most heartbreaking thing for me was that she says to me. "oh i know how you feel getting those negatives because those few minutes before my positive came up I was devistated it would be negative!!!!" yep total class hey!!

I also had the horrible thoughts towards friends and any pregnant woman in general i was so jealous and ended up being horrible to live with... its funny though that even though I did do a few rounds of clomid the month I finally fell pregnant I O'd on our wedding anniversary and we had fun sex for the anniversary not for making a baby! and lo and behold I got a positive!!

funny how that happens!...

I wish you all the luck in the world, nothing anyone says will help, its a process you need to work through, but do know that the day you do get that positive, all those angry thoughts and horrible feelings just melt away!