This is so HARD!
I posted about this in the working parents group journal this morning. Here's the post. http://www.onceuponalife.com/forums/showpost.php?p=468247&postcount=557

I called Rebekah's teacher and it turns out that ALL the girls except Rebekah were moved to a different room about 3 weeks ago, probably at the beginning of the month. They were moved to balance out the number of kids in each room. She never sees them anymore so to her they just fell off the face of the Earth. I'm so sad for her.

We weren't told that they moved the kids and that Rebekah was going to be the only girl (we usually drop her off and pick her up when her class and another are combined). Miss Tina said she voiced her concerns about Rebekah being left behind but it didn't make a difference. They don't normally move kids until either summer or September so this was a very odd thing for them to decide to do.

They didn't move Rebekah because she's only part-time and because she likes Miss Tina. Her room combines with another room in the mornings until 8:45am and late afternoons until pick-up time and that room is all girls except for one boy. But that's Miss Donna's room and Rebekah doesn't get along with Donna at all. She was the whole reason she cried for weeks last fall. So instead of her staying with her friends and having to adjust to a new teacher, the school opted to keep all the boys and Rebekah with Miss Tina.

Tina says they are getting more kids but she doesn't know when or how many. It may not be until they start their summer program in Mid-June. Tina said she'd talk to one of the directors and let her know I was concerned and find out when other kids are coming.

Here's the big issue... Rebekah has gotten pretty agressive in the past couple of months. I thought it was just an age thing but now I'm not sure if being with just boys had something to do with it. She's started saying things like "kill, kill, kill!" She even asked my mom to play a game by saying "I lay here, you kill me, ok?" And she has attached herself to the most agressive boy in the class. She also has a bruise on her chest where one of them hit her last Thursday.

So, if no other girls are coming anytime soon, is it really still a good idea for her to stay in this class at school?
I think she needs someone other than boys to play with.
I don't think moving her to Donna's room is a good idea because that would just confuse her since miss Tina would be there alot.
But I don't think they will move her to where her friends are because either the class is full or they want to keep the full-time spaces open.

What should I do?
Is it really healthy for a 3-yr-old to be in a class with kids of all the opposite sex?
I'm EXTREMELY upset that the school didn't tell us what was going on. Even though Rebekah's routine wasn't changed, it still has affected her. Every day before school she gets excited and asks if her girlfriends will be there this time and every afternoon she tells me that they weren't there that day. And now I know why.
My mom is willing to take her back full time without a problem. And mom doesn't think she should be with just boys, either.
Darren says the school should have told us what was going on and that they should move her to be with her friends or some other girls or we should take her out.

I would take her out. Kill, kill, kill? I would be upset if Jayden was saying things like that! How do the boys even know what that is???

I would either try transferring her to the other class or finding a new school. I think it is really important to have a gender balance in a class. I can't believe they didn't bother talking to you about it, it obviously has made a difference in her behavior.
I am sorrry Brooke!
Talk to the director and see what they come up with, but they obviously have issues with communication.

That is so hard to deal with Brooke. My first reaction is to pull her because your mom would be better for her at this time. However the interaction with other children is so great for kids that I think maybe at least for a week I would try and work with the school to come up with a solution. If they can't meet Rebekah's needs then pull her. Will she be starting a preschool in the fall?

Jayne

Brooke, I'd take her out. I don't think it's good for any little girl to be the only girl in a class full of boys. Is there another daycare place you'd feel comfortable trying, so she could play with other little girls? Or even a preschool, for part-time? It really concerns me that the school didn't say anything to you about this. :( And I'm worried for Rebekah - she's way too little to be saying things like *kill, kill, kill* and getting bruises from being hit. I wish I lived closer - Katie would LOVE to have Rebekah come and play!

Here's the big issue... Rebekah has gotten pretty agressive in the past couple of months. I thought it was just an age thing but now I'm not sure if being with just boys had something to do with it. She's started saying things like "kill, kill, kill!" She even asked my mom to play a game by saying "I lay here, you kill me, ok?" And she has attached herself to the most agressive boy in the class. She also has a bruise on her chest where one of them hit her last Thursday.


This would be enough for me to pull her out or demand that she is moved to another room. Alex is a bit younger than Rebekah and I've noticed how agressive he is becoming. Every toy becomes a gun, he talks about "bueing you" which he simulates as a gunshot sound. I don't like it and tell him each time I see him acting this way. My DH shrugs it off as being a boy. While part of me agrees somewhat, I certainly wouldn't allow my daughter to be the only girl in a class full of boys even if they are just little.

I would talk to the director and tell them you want Rebekah moved to another room immediately. And if they won't do it, then pull her because it sounds like a bad situation for her.

Dennis

Oh Brooke. :hug99:

I'd talk to the director again and tell her what's been going on.. ie bruises and words. (i can't remember if you said you already did this)

Ask, or Tell her that if they can't switch up some of the kids, you're going to pull her out. Maybe move the agressive boy and bring over another girl or more.

If they can't do something, I'd definitely pull her out. She'll have time to socialize later in school.

.... on a side note, once in a while I hear Lexie say something strange, like " I pretendereing to be dead" and I'm in shock! :woa: I figure she picks it up from kids at school who have older brothers and sisters. :(

I would ask for her to be moved to the other class, and really work with her on making an effort to get used to the teacher (i.e., yes, we know it's not your favorite teacher, but you'll still be with your friends, etc. ) If they won't move her, then pull her. That type of aggression and harm from the other kids is not acceptable and they sound like it's no big deal.

Question,Before they moved the other girls out of the class was she friends with these boys? just curious about the sudden aggression and why now if she was alway's exposed to these boys kwim?


I would be very upset, I think they should have told you about moving all the other girls,they could have atleast called you to see if this was ok or not. If your mom has no problems taking her on then I would pull her out.

Question,Before they moved the other girls out of the class was she friends with these boys? just curious about the sudden aggression and why now if she was alway's exposed to these boys kwim?


She's been with these same boys since September. But all along she's been telling me how she doesn't like them. If I asked who her friends are at school, she'd name the girls. And if I asked if there were any boys she liked she said no. Even now she says she only likes Achebe, and he's the boy in the other room full of girls so she's not even with him very much.

Thanks for the opinions. I was wondering if I was crazy for thinking it just wasn't a good idea for a girl to be with all boys. Even if they had left one of the other girls it would have been better than this.

I'm not sure what we're going to do yet. Darren's going to talk to Miss Tina and the director today when he goes to pick her up. We'll see what they say and then decide. Right now I'm leaning towards taking her out.

Oh - if she's with my mom they will do something with other kids during the week. They will go to the park alot, to the library, probably a kid concert thing at the mall every Friday and I'll try to get her into another playgroup. I was concerned about her not being with other kids all summer but I think it will be ok. We were planning on taking her out of daycare in August and she will be starting preschool in September.

We were planning on taking her out of daycare in August and she will be starting preschool in September.

In that case, I'd ask at school, but if they don't budge, then don't worry aobut it.

Take her out now and let your mom enjoy her while she can. :)

I just called Darren again, since he will be the one to pick her up and I want to make sure we're on the same page. I know he thinks I'm nuts but he's messed up so many times in the past and I don't want him to go in there demanding that she be moved if that's not really what's best for her.

I told him that I think the only 2 worthwile options would be either
a - leave her there if they tell us that new girls will be starting in her class next week or one of the other girls is coming back, or
b - we take her out.

I'm not sure moving her to another class would be worth the adjustment period just for 3.5 more months of school. I think her last day is supposed to be August 18. In February, we had to either register her for the fall session or declare a last day that was before the start of the county's new school year. I wonder if they decided not to move her because they know we'll be taking her out in August and the other girls are staying.

Let us know how it goes with Darren and the daycare people tonight. I really hope they move one (or more) of the other little girls back and move one or more of the boys OUT, but both options - staying but with the girls, or leaving to be with your mom - sound much better than what is going on now.

:hug99: to you and Rebekah!

I would bet they thought since she wasn't coming back, oh they won't mind..
Either way, I don't think its fair to have a class full of boys and one girl OR vice versa. Its the interaction with BOTH sexes that helps them to learn I think..I think it would be great for her to go with your mom..

Brooke, if you were only going to have 3.5 more months of daycare left anyway, I think I'd go ahead and take Rebekah out unless there can be at least one other little girl in the class with her. She's had exposure to other children, and she'll be starting preschool in the fall - I don't think a little break will make a big difference, and she can enjoy time with her grandmother. :)

I'm just curious - is the other class that the girls were moved into made up primarily of girls? Is there only the one little boy, Achebe, in that class? Why did the school decide to move all the girls and leave one little girl with a class full of boys (that she's said she doesn't like)? And why didn't they let you know ahead of time that this was going to happen? I'm baffled. I'd certainly want the school to explain the reasoning behind the decision - I understand the need to equalize class size, but why did they make the move in the way they did? If Darren doesn't get answers to these questions, I'd call myself and find out.

I'm just curious - is the other class that the girls were moved into made up primarily of girls? Is there only the one little boy, Achebe, in that class? Why did the school decide to move all the girls and leave one little girl with a class full of boys (that she's said she doesn't like)? And why didn't they let you know ahead of time that this was going to happen? I'm baffled. I'd certainly want the school to explain the reasoning behind the decision - I understand the need to equalize class size, but why did they make the move in the way they did? If Darren doesn't get answers to these questions, I'd call myself and find out.

Ok...let me clarify -

Rebekah's class is Room 6 and it combines with Room 5 for pick-up, drop-off, and outside play time.

Room 5 - all girls except for Achebe
Room 6 - all boys except for Rebekah
Room 10 - all the girls from Room 6 were moved here. I have no idea who else is in there.

I'll have to answer the rest later.

WTF? Are they creating all girl/all boy classes with one other sex in there?
I'd take her out and send her to a nice pre-school in fall.

Ok...so, when Darren went to pick Rebekah up, he asked Miss Tina if she'd talked to me. She said yes and that she had a meeting with Susan tomorrow. And Darren left it at that. :dunno: I'm not sure who Susan is in the whole daycare food chain. She's not the director but I take it she's the one who makes the decisions about the 2-yr-olds.

Darren and I were not invited to the meeting. I think we should be since it concerns our child. And we don't know what they will be talking about other than the fact that we're concerned with the situation.

Darren plans for one of us to call Tina in the morning and tell her what WE want - either at least one other girl in the class by next week or we're taking Rebekah out. We don't want to get there on Thursday and find out that they are moving her. If that happens, I'll just take her to my mom's that morning.

I plan to call and talk to Miss Tina first and then Susan, if necessary, tomorrow afternoon if she doesn't call me first. My gut feeling is that they will wait until we get there on Thursday to tell me (or Darren) what they decided. Well, that's not good enough. I also want to make it clear that they should have told us what was going on when they decided to move all the girls and that most people agree that a little girl should not be in a class with all boys. It was a bad decision and poor communication on their part.

I asked Rebekah who she played with today and all she said was that Nevaeh wasn't there and that all the girls had been moved. I think Darren talked to her about it this afternoon when he picked her up. I asked if she liked that and she didn't really answer.

UPDATE

I called this morning to talk to Miss Tina and tell her what we wanted so she could go into her meeting with that info. She put me on the phone with an assistant director Mary (the director wasn't there).

Mary went on and on about how they moved all the girls because they just happen to be the oldest kids in the class - :bs: right there because all the birthdays are Jan-June and Rebekah is Feb. You can't tell me the other 4-5 girls were all born in January.

Then she told me that they moved them to the room they would be in in September. AHA! So since Rebekah wouldn't be there, she wasn't moved. She said there won't be any other kids moving around until mid-June like I thought and the don't know when any new kids are coming.

And she says she didn't realize that it was just boys in there until last week. Isn't it their job to look at that kind of thing? She kept repeating how they can't control the sex of the kids coming in. But she didn't seem to understand that they can control which kids they move once they are there.

So, she said we could move her to Room 5, but it's pretty well known that she doesn't like the teacher in that class, and she would still see Miss Tina alot but wouldn't be able to be in the class with her. I think that would be more upsetting to her than moving to a totally different room. So that's not really a good option in my opinion. Then she said we MIGHT be able to try her in Room 10 with her friends but she wasn't sure there was room and Rebekah is so young. :rolleyes: She didn't seem to like that idea.

When I finally was able to talk - she wouldn't stop! - I told her about the changes in Rebekah in the past 3 weeks and that even though she plays with the boys at school she's acting very different at home. I also told her that I was VERY disappointed in the way this was handled and that we weren't notified of the changes when they occurred.

So, I told her that tomorrow will be Rebekah's last day. Then she gave me this speech about how I'll lose my security deposit if I don't give 2 weeks notice. Like I give a flying fook about my security deposit! :rolleyes:

I talked to Tina again and told her that I thought taking her out was better than trying to put her in with Miss Donna and she said ok. She said she was sorry and that the situation was bothering her since it happened and I told her not to worry about it. I know she's going to miss Rebekah. I asked if we could make cupcakes for the class for tomorrow and she said yes. Rebekah asked if we could do that Monday night so we will tonight.

I don't blame Tina at all - she can't control what the director does - but I do think she should have told us what happened when it happened. She could have just pulled Darren aside on day at pick-up time and told him all the girls were moved. At least we would have known and we could have helped Rebekah adjust to not seeing her girlfriends anymore.

My mom told me that since they go to the park on Mondays, the library/story hour and my grandmom's on Wednesdays, and then playgroup on Fridays (which is now over but I'll try to find another one for the summer), she was feeling like she wasn't getting enough time with Rebekah anyway. So she's ready to take her back full time. Maybe we can really crack down on her behavior this way too.

Good luck. I think you made the right decision. :hug99:

I would have done the same thing. I can't believe that she claimed they don't know their girl/boy ratio in the class. How do they move them...blindfolded?

Hmm, sounds like a lot of butt-covering to me. :rolleyes: How can they say Rebekah is so young to move to Room 10, if all the other girls, from a class with birthdays from Jan. to June, were moved, and Rebekah falls near the older end of that age range? :dunno: I think you made the right call. I hope Rebekah has lots of fun with grandma, and that the disturbing behavior starts to settle down now that she'll be away from all the boys.

It sounds like you made the right decision. SHe was just feeding you a bunch of BS.

Dennis

OMG.. I can't believe how crappy that woman was to you! She was totally feeding you lies and hoping you would just accept them and not really pay attention! :complain: I think taking Rebekah out is definitely the best thing, and I'd REALLY think about going after them for your deposit, too. Ridiculous!

I think that you made a great decision.

Mary

i think you made the right decision. the director really handled it all in a very piss-poor manner. :disbelief

Sounds like you did the best thing. :nod: Too bad that it had to happen the way it did. :rolleyes:

I also agree with eveyone and will say that you made the right decision, but it's too bad that it came down to taking her out :( She'll have a great time with your mom, though! :)

That sounds like the best thing for her, hanging out with your mom for the summer :nod:
But I would fight with them to get at least some of your security back because of the way they handled the whole situation.

I agree you should write a letter to the director or speak to her directly and ask for your deposit back. Good luck.

Thanks, everyone.

Posted in my other thread this morning -

Yesterday, they told me I'd have to come in and fill out a paper this morning. I assumed it would ask me why we were taking her out. When I got there, the 2 women in the office - the billing lady and Mary, the assistant director - said it was already taken care of. :scratch: Since I'm not sure what was on the paper, I'm going to write a letter to the director, just to make sure they know my position on it.

I was talking to the billing woman and I told her that I didn't think one girl should ever be in a class with all boys (or the reverse) and she told me her son was the only boy in the infant room at one time. BIG DEAL!!! Infants are so gender neutral that it wouldn't matter at that age. :rolleyes:

Yesterday, they told me I'd have to come in and fill out a paper this morning. I assumed it would ask me why we were taking her out. When I got there, the 2 women in the office - the billing lady and Mary, the assistant director - said it was already taken care of. :scratch:

I'd ask for a copy - if someone told you you'd need to fill it out and now someone is saying it's taken care of, I'd want to know what it was and what's on it. And I think you should still write a letter letting them know where you stand and why you're taking Rebekah out. The more you tell us about the situation, the more I'm convinced you made the right choice to take her out. Their management style leaves a lot to be desired.

Their management style leaves a lot to be desired.

Yeah, it's funny - I've been very happy with the school/daycare up until now. Rebekah has really thrived there, she's learned so much. She's been there for 14 months now. She's gone through phases where she didn't want to go anymore but she usually gets past that. I don't know if this is just a sudden change or if you just don't see the problems until you have a problem.