Sherry
March 14th, 2005, 10:17 AM
http://www.onceuponalife.com/forums/showthread.php?p=426638#post426638
ok.... I wasnt sure whether to mention this in here or not, but we are really struggling so I thought I should just let it all out and see if you all have any advice.
SD Julianna is going thru this phase all of a sudden where she doesnt want anything to do with anyone except her dad. ( Which I could understand her wanting one on one time, but she wants NO one , not even her brother to be there int he house. ) but she is saying very hurtful things, cruel things to myself, and the other children. She has told her dad that she only wants HIM and not me, Jordan or Bianca. Mind you that her mom is remarried and has been for a long time, and when I met the kids they were so excited and wanted us to get married etc... Loved to go to soccor games with Jordan, even take care of Bianca and push her in the stroller etc.... then POOF.. Julianna just comes over, complains about her life and " I dont understand why I cant have what I want, when I want it! You have to do everything I want because I am your daughter, and I dont have to appreciate it or be grateful. Its your job. " etc..... We are pretty much blindsided about this... They havent been over in a few months. Every week DH calls them checking in on them, talking about their day etc.. then when its the friday when they are supposed to come over, we get a call every time like 20 minutes before they are supposed to be there from thier step-dad that the kids arent comming. I am so greatefull that we do have a HUGE support over there in thier step-dad. He is always supporting us and says that he doesnt agree that the Mom is pushing the kids to not come over and he has told us numerous times that she is "making" them say these things, and "buying" their love. The kids both of them have told us on their last visit that its just so hard for them. That life over "there" ( their mom and sd ) is so bad and life over "here" is so good ( their dad and I ) that they want to live with us, but cant. Over in that house, they told us that they have to do all the cooking etc.... that mom is never there ( never has been ) and that They never do anything together unless its going with mom to buy clothes etc for her. We on the other had have all our meals together if possible, play games togehter, movies, church, go places etc.. Even things that would be "uncool" they love, like going to the park and getting out water guns... ( they are 17 and 15 yrs old ). They have so much fun with us, and told us all the time how much they wanted to live with us, but all of a sudden, Julianna is saying hatefull things etc... Chris told us that he is not sure what is going on with his sister, but he is staying by her side as they made a pact to do so, but he did say he wants to be here, and loves us, and he apologizes for his MOM for the things she is saying about us and to us...... Its just horrible to me that a son would have to apologize for his mom....
I want more than anything for Julianna to spend time with her dad alone. THe thing is that thier Mom in court appointed me to HAVE TO BE THERE at all times.. We have told her that, and she doenst care..Also Dh isnt allowed by court due to his ex to only call the kids one time a week and that is it, but he does call more than that, he calls the kids cell phones etc...and emails them. I do "dissapear" when they come over most of the time so they can have time together, but we make it a point to not treat them as visitors or special. We treat them equally in every way, of course except for they are older so they do get more priviledges etc, but they are our children, and at times she wants to be and adult, then the child, then the independant visitor, then the baby girl... etc.... We really think she needs to go to some sort of counseling since she does seem to be very depressed, but no matter what we say, even though all 3 of us agree ( DH, I, and step-dad ) MOM will always turn it around and make it something different..... Dh and I are very gratefull that their Mom married Jim as he has been so supportive in rebuilding the relationship too.
Ok...sorry... I just needed to vent... This is such a struggle
ok.... I wasnt sure whether to mention this in here or not, but we are really struggling so I thought I should just let it all out and see if you all have any advice.
SD Julianna is going thru this phase all of a sudden where she doesnt want anything to do with anyone except her dad. ( Which I could understand her wanting one on one time, but she wants NO one , not even her brother to be there int he house. ) but she is saying very hurtful things, cruel things to myself, and the other children. She has told her dad that she only wants HIM and not me, Jordan or Bianca. Mind you that her mom is remarried and has been for a long time, and when I met the kids they were so excited and wanted us to get married etc... Loved to go to soccor games with Jordan, even take care of Bianca and push her in the stroller etc.... then POOF.. Julianna just comes over, complains about her life and " I dont understand why I cant have what I want, when I want it! You have to do everything I want because I am your daughter, and I dont have to appreciate it or be grateful. Its your job. " etc..... We are pretty much blindsided about this... They havent been over in a few months. Every week DH calls them checking in on them, talking about their day etc.. then when its the friday when they are supposed to come over, we get a call every time like 20 minutes before they are supposed to be there from thier step-dad that the kids arent comming. I am so greatefull that we do have a HUGE support over there in thier step-dad. He is always supporting us and says that he doesnt agree that the Mom is pushing the kids to not come over and he has told us numerous times that she is "making" them say these things, and "buying" their love. The kids both of them have told us on their last visit that its just so hard for them. That life over "there" ( their mom and sd ) is so bad and life over "here" is so good ( their dad and I ) that they want to live with us, but cant. Over in that house, they told us that they have to do all the cooking etc.... that mom is never there ( never has been ) and that They never do anything together unless its going with mom to buy clothes etc for her. We on the other had have all our meals together if possible, play games togehter, movies, church, go places etc.. Even things that would be "uncool" they love, like going to the park and getting out water guns... ( they are 17 and 15 yrs old ). They have so much fun with us, and told us all the time how much they wanted to live with us, but all of a sudden, Julianna is saying hatefull things etc... Chris told us that he is not sure what is going on with his sister, but he is staying by her side as they made a pact to do so, but he did say he wants to be here, and loves us, and he apologizes for his MOM for the things she is saying about us and to us...... Its just horrible to me that a son would have to apologize for his mom....
I want more than anything for Julianna to spend time with her dad alone. THe thing is that thier Mom in court appointed me to HAVE TO BE THERE at all times.. We have told her that, and she doenst care..Also Dh isnt allowed by court due to his ex to only call the kids one time a week and that is it, but he does call more than that, he calls the kids cell phones etc...and emails them. I do "dissapear" when they come over most of the time so they can have time together, but we make it a point to not treat them as visitors or special. We treat them equally in every way, of course except for they are older so they do get more priviledges etc, but they are our children, and at times she wants to be and adult, then the child, then the independant visitor, then the baby girl... etc.... We really think she needs to go to some sort of counseling since she does seem to be very depressed, but no matter what we say, even though all 3 of us agree ( DH, I, and step-dad ) MOM will always turn it around and make it something different..... Dh and I are very gratefull that their Mom married Jim as he has been so supportive in rebuilding the relationship too.
Ok...sorry... I just needed to vent... This is such a struggle