Lyndee
March 9th, 2005, 01:15 PM
Here's the source:
http://www.brighthorizons.com/efamily/article.aspx?id=155&mailing=211&user_id=88662&campaign_id=152#continued
“Why are you doing that?” 2- and 3-Year-Olds Can Drive us Crazy!
With their eager, wonder-filled faces and heads a “bit too big” for their upright bodies, 2- and 3-year-old children are adorable, but they can also drive us crazy. Emerging from toddlerhood with new language and motor skills, they sometimes they seem so mature — real people to have conversations with. But more often, parents find themselves feeling irritated and exhausted by their child’s repetitive actions, noncompliant behavior, reversions to babyhood, and constant chatter. How could the child whose every move and sound as a baby inspired our constant awe now make us feel incapable as parents, question whether parenthood was such a good idea after all, or fill us with guilt because we are so irritated?
2- and 3-year-old Children
Who are these 2- and 3-year-old children? They are small people who believe that there are monsters under their bed and that they are in danger of going down the drain with the bathwater. In over their heads, they can imagine more than they can do and do more than they can fully understand. Their emotions are immediate and intense. Twos and threes can move from joy to violent anger and back to joy in matter of seconds. They often have no sense of time. Bathing, eating, and sleeping may be merely distractions to exploring the world around them. They are literally amoral; the slow onset of morality will follow the empathy that is beginning to emerge and will grow over the next few years as they learn the rules of family life and society at large.
Typical Behavior and Development
Twos and threes can push our buttons so easily because their behavior rarely fits into our “let’s get going,” “we’ve got things to do,” “we’re going to be late,” world. In contrast with their younger selves, it can seem like their contrariness is a choice; they are choosing to be the square peg not fitting into our round holes. To be fair, here are some of the things that we can expect from them:
They are reluctant to be still. Twos and threes love activities that involve any type of movement, like running and chasing. They need lots of opportunities to move about.
Socially, their emotions can be extreme, but luckily, short-lived. They need to be encouraged to express their feelings with words.
Cognitively, this is the stage of “why”: “Why is it dark?” “Why do you have to go to work?” And every thoughtful parental answer is usually met with another “why?” Toddlers need time to explore the world around them within a safe environment and with the encouragement and conversations of adults.
They are aware of more things than they understand: family joys and tensions, sibling behaviors or their induction into the consumer culture.
Twos and threes need lots of active time, lots of adult attention, and lots of our patience.
Why Twos and Threes Do What They Do
Why do our children at this age insist upon turning the lights on and off, touching whatever comes their way, and dumping out anything they can get their hands on? Twos and threes are active, hands-on learners who process and internalize new information through physical interaction and repetition. They are driven to arrange and rearrange their universe based on their own logic. What seems like a determined effort to destroy and mess-up everything in the house is just their way of figuring out the world. As their understanding of cause and effect develops, they become much more interested in winding up toys and turning lights and appliances on and off. It’s always surprising to see what a young child can stuff in the VCR player in an effort to make it work.
Reasoning with Twos and Threes
“Please get in the car. We are going to be late.” “If you don’t eat now, you’ll be hungry later.” Although many of us have no trouble acting like 2-year-olds at the end of the day, it is extremely hard for us to think like them. We view the world in much more complex terms. Twos and threes are egocentric to the point that they believe everything happens because of them or to them. Reasoning with children of any age is difficult, but reasoning with children of this age is almost impossible.
Twos and threes view everything in extremely simple terms. They often confuse fantasy with reality unless they’re actively playing make-believe. For example, a wonderful story from Selma Fraiberg's The Magic Years talks about parents telling their 2-and-a-half-year-old that they would soon be flying to Europe. With a worried look on his face, the little boy said, "But my arms aren't strong enough to fly." During this stage, your child may take seriously comments that you think are funny or playful, such as "If you eat more ice cream, you'll explode." Children may actually panic because they don’t want to explode.
Basic Tips on Guiding the Behavior of 2- and 3-Year-Old Children
If reasoning with your child isn’t likely to get good results, then how do you guide their behavior?
Make sure your child gets enough sleep.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children consistently obtain at least nine to eleven hours of sleep each night. When children are even slightly sleep deprived, it not only negatively affects their health, but it can also make it harder for them to control their behavior.
Establish a routine.
A routine gives children a structure and environment that fosters feelings of security, comfort, trust, and less anticipatory anxiety. They know what to expect, feel more in control, and can learn more easily. So routines give children a better understanding of their world and how they are expected to function in it.
Have clear, specific rules of acceptable behavior.
It sounds silly, but we often don’t tell our children the rules. “We’re not buying anything at the store except groceries. Please don’t ask.”
Be consistent.
Children understand cause and effect. If we are inconsistent in certain situations, regardless of our intention, our children will learn that their inappropriate behavior is the way they can get what they want.
Stop what you are doing and focus on your child when expectations are at issue.
Put down the phone, stop the car, ask the shoppers behind you to wait, or come out of the shower to deal with inappropriate behavior. When you stop what you are doing and go to your child, you are acknowledging the inappropriate behavior when it happens and correcting your child immediately following his actions.
Speak to your child on eye-level.
For young children this usually requires getting down on your knees, leaning over, or sitting on the floor.
Validate Your Child’s Feelings
When your child has misbehaved, let him know that you understand, or you are trying to understand, how he feels. Validate his emotions or intentions. “I know you wanted the toy, but your sister was playing with it.”
Speak in a normal tone of voice.
When you are upset with your child, try not to yell or raise your voice.
Use a positive, firm, natural tone of voice.
In simple terms, explain to your child what he did wrong. He may not know. Instead of “You made a mess,” say, “You took all Mom’s books off the shelf.”
Offer your child choices when possible.
Give your child a choice between two activities that you propose. “It’s time to eat dinner. Do you want to put your seat beside your sister or me?”
Redirect your child.
Guide your child to a new activity and so he can no longer do what he wants to do. “You can build with blocks. You can’t play with blocks if you throw them. You can throw a ball.”
Have logical consequences for inappropriate behavior.
Don’t allow your child to continue doing what he wants to do unless he does it appropriately. “Write on paper. You cannot use the markers, if you write on the walls.”
Follow through.
If you tell your child that there will be a particular consequence for an inappropriate action, follow through.
Give your child positive attention.
Some children require a great deal of attention and that can be exhausting for us. And it’s usually those children who may act up because they want even more attention. They may feel that negative attention, our response to a tantrum, is better than no attention. Get into the habit of catching your child being good and rewarding her with attention for positive behavior.
Activities to Keep Twos and Threes Busy and Learning
Twos and threes are full of energy, so how do you keep them busy and learning without going crazy? Here are a few simple tips to enjoy time with your children. Keep in mind, the best toy a child can ever have is you.
Have lots of time to run, climb, jump, haul things around and ride wheel toys.
Let them play with blocks of different sizes and shapes; building and destroying.
Teach them to dress and undress themselves.
Have them help with household chores such as setting and clearing the table and watering plants.
Provide housekeeping toys and let them use real objects and tools: pots, pans, sponges, brooms, vacuum cleaners, and anything they safely handle.
Encourage them to count household objects as you perform household tasks (for example, count the spoons, cups, etc. as you set the table).
Read stories to them.
Sing songs and have them make up their own songs.
Encourage them to dance and move to music.
Answer their "how" and "why" questions honestly, but simply. And as they grow older, ask, “what do you think,” more frequently.
Depending on your tolerance for mess, give them paint, crayons, chalk, colored pens, collage materials, and play dough (and work on your tolerance for mess).
For further information, visit:
www.cdipage.com
http://www.humsci.auburn.edu/abell/beeprogram/links/resourceupdates/resourceupdates.htm
http://www.brighthorizons.com/efamily/article.aspx?id=155&mailing=211&user_id=88662&campaign_id=152#continued
“Why are you doing that?” 2- and 3-Year-Olds Can Drive us Crazy!
With their eager, wonder-filled faces and heads a “bit too big” for their upright bodies, 2- and 3-year-old children are adorable, but they can also drive us crazy. Emerging from toddlerhood with new language and motor skills, they sometimes they seem so mature — real people to have conversations with. But more often, parents find themselves feeling irritated and exhausted by their child’s repetitive actions, noncompliant behavior, reversions to babyhood, and constant chatter. How could the child whose every move and sound as a baby inspired our constant awe now make us feel incapable as parents, question whether parenthood was such a good idea after all, or fill us with guilt because we are so irritated?
2- and 3-year-old Children
Who are these 2- and 3-year-old children? They are small people who believe that there are monsters under their bed and that they are in danger of going down the drain with the bathwater. In over their heads, they can imagine more than they can do and do more than they can fully understand. Their emotions are immediate and intense. Twos and threes can move from joy to violent anger and back to joy in matter of seconds. They often have no sense of time. Bathing, eating, and sleeping may be merely distractions to exploring the world around them. They are literally amoral; the slow onset of morality will follow the empathy that is beginning to emerge and will grow over the next few years as they learn the rules of family life and society at large.
Typical Behavior and Development
Twos and threes can push our buttons so easily because their behavior rarely fits into our “let’s get going,” “we’ve got things to do,” “we’re going to be late,” world. In contrast with their younger selves, it can seem like their contrariness is a choice; they are choosing to be the square peg not fitting into our round holes. To be fair, here are some of the things that we can expect from them:
They are reluctant to be still. Twos and threes love activities that involve any type of movement, like running and chasing. They need lots of opportunities to move about.
Socially, their emotions can be extreme, but luckily, short-lived. They need to be encouraged to express their feelings with words.
Cognitively, this is the stage of “why”: “Why is it dark?” “Why do you have to go to work?” And every thoughtful parental answer is usually met with another “why?” Toddlers need time to explore the world around them within a safe environment and with the encouragement and conversations of adults.
They are aware of more things than they understand: family joys and tensions, sibling behaviors or their induction into the consumer culture.
Twos and threes need lots of active time, lots of adult attention, and lots of our patience.
Why Twos and Threes Do What They Do
Why do our children at this age insist upon turning the lights on and off, touching whatever comes their way, and dumping out anything they can get their hands on? Twos and threes are active, hands-on learners who process and internalize new information through physical interaction and repetition. They are driven to arrange and rearrange their universe based on their own logic. What seems like a determined effort to destroy and mess-up everything in the house is just their way of figuring out the world. As their understanding of cause and effect develops, they become much more interested in winding up toys and turning lights and appliances on and off. It’s always surprising to see what a young child can stuff in the VCR player in an effort to make it work.
Reasoning with Twos and Threes
“Please get in the car. We are going to be late.” “If you don’t eat now, you’ll be hungry later.” Although many of us have no trouble acting like 2-year-olds at the end of the day, it is extremely hard for us to think like them. We view the world in much more complex terms. Twos and threes are egocentric to the point that they believe everything happens because of them or to them. Reasoning with children of any age is difficult, but reasoning with children of this age is almost impossible.
Twos and threes view everything in extremely simple terms. They often confuse fantasy with reality unless they’re actively playing make-believe. For example, a wonderful story from Selma Fraiberg's The Magic Years talks about parents telling their 2-and-a-half-year-old that they would soon be flying to Europe. With a worried look on his face, the little boy said, "But my arms aren't strong enough to fly." During this stage, your child may take seriously comments that you think are funny or playful, such as "If you eat more ice cream, you'll explode." Children may actually panic because they don’t want to explode.
Basic Tips on Guiding the Behavior of 2- and 3-Year-Old Children
If reasoning with your child isn’t likely to get good results, then how do you guide their behavior?
Make sure your child gets enough sleep.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children consistently obtain at least nine to eleven hours of sleep each night. When children are even slightly sleep deprived, it not only negatively affects their health, but it can also make it harder for them to control their behavior.
Establish a routine.
A routine gives children a structure and environment that fosters feelings of security, comfort, trust, and less anticipatory anxiety. They know what to expect, feel more in control, and can learn more easily. So routines give children a better understanding of their world and how they are expected to function in it.
Have clear, specific rules of acceptable behavior.
It sounds silly, but we often don’t tell our children the rules. “We’re not buying anything at the store except groceries. Please don’t ask.”
Be consistent.
Children understand cause and effect. If we are inconsistent in certain situations, regardless of our intention, our children will learn that their inappropriate behavior is the way they can get what they want.
Stop what you are doing and focus on your child when expectations are at issue.
Put down the phone, stop the car, ask the shoppers behind you to wait, or come out of the shower to deal with inappropriate behavior. When you stop what you are doing and go to your child, you are acknowledging the inappropriate behavior when it happens and correcting your child immediately following his actions.
Speak to your child on eye-level.
For young children this usually requires getting down on your knees, leaning over, or sitting on the floor.
Validate Your Child’s Feelings
When your child has misbehaved, let him know that you understand, or you are trying to understand, how he feels. Validate his emotions or intentions. “I know you wanted the toy, but your sister was playing with it.”
Speak in a normal tone of voice.
When you are upset with your child, try not to yell or raise your voice.
Use a positive, firm, natural tone of voice.
In simple terms, explain to your child what he did wrong. He may not know. Instead of “You made a mess,” say, “You took all Mom’s books off the shelf.”
Offer your child choices when possible.
Give your child a choice between two activities that you propose. “It’s time to eat dinner. Do you want to put your seat beside your sister or me?”
Redirect your child.
Guide your child to a new activity and so he can no longer do what he wants to do. “You can build with blocks. You can’t play with blocks if you throw them. You can throw a ball.”
Have logical consequences for inappropriate behavior.
Don’t allow your child to continue doing what he wants to do unless he does it appropriately. “Write on paper. You cannot use the markers, if you write on the walls.”
Follow through.
If you tell your child that there will be a particular consequence for an inappropriate action, follow through.
Give your child positive attention.
Some children require a great deal of attention and that can be exhausting for us. And it’s usually those children who may act up because they want even more attention. They may feel that negative attention, our response to a tantrum, is better than no attention. Get into the habit of catching your child being good and rewarding her with attention for positive behavior.
Activities to Keep Twos and Threes Busy and Learning
Twos and threes are full of energy, so how do you keep them busy and learning without going crazy? Here are a few simple tips to enjoy time with your children. Keep in mind, the best toy a child can ever have is you.
Have lots of time to run, climb, jump, haul things around and ride wheel toys.
Let them play with blocks of different sizes and shapes; building and destroying.
Teach them to dress and undress themselves.
Have them help with household chores such as setting and clearing the table and watering plants.
Provide housekeeping toys and let them use real objects and tools: pots, pans, sponges, brooms, vacuum cleaners, and anything they safely handle.
Encourage them to count household objects as you perform household tasks (for example, count the spoons, cups, etc. as you set the table).
Read stories to them.
Sing songs and have them make up their own songs.
Encourage them to dance and move to music.
Answer their "how" and "why" questions honestly, but simply. And as they grow older, ask, “what do you think,” more frequently.
Depending on your tolerance for mess, give them paint, crayons, chalk, colored pens, collage materials, and play dough (and work on your tolerance for mess).
For further information, visit:
www.cdipage.com
http://www.humsci.auburn.edu/abell/beeprogram/links/resourceupdates/resourceupdates.htm