What are your children into?

[Billy]

Those of you with older children or know older children, what are they into right now?
Kyle is 9, will be 10 in June and his main concern is Pokemon. That's all he wants to do all day long is play his gameboy with Pokemon. It's all he wants to talk about. His father is having a hard time with this and thinks he should be involved in other things by now. He has played baseball and tag football during the season but even then it was Pokemon. Is it normal for him to be so focused on this? He's having problems with his schoolwork right now and lying about it to his father. His dad thinks Kyle should be more focused on school work and wants him to, what sounds like to me, to figure out what he wants to do with his life..now! He wants him to think about going to college. My problem with this is he's only 9. He got his midterm report yesterday (he's in 4th grade) and it's not good. Kyle's always done really well in school and now he has a C and a D+ in his favorite subjects. Anyway...Are your kids' more focused on thier school work at this age? Goals in life?

[MelissaM]

Hmmmm...tough question.

At nine or ten there is absolutely NO way that my children were or are thinking about getting "ahead in life" There is only here and now and MAYBE a week ago - the future is much too far away and vast for them to even contemplate.

I think that being obsessed with a Game is one thing, however once it starts interfering with schoolwork and other play then you might have a bit of a problem. Do you sit with him and help him with his homework and studying? Is he having trouble in specific subjects or all of them in general? Is he pre-occupied at school as well? Remember now, fourth grade is a transition grade - they start truly learing how to study and problem solve and many children don't do as well for the first while while they are getting accustomed to everything.

If it were me I think I would sit him down and talk to him about his grades and how he is feeling about school. Have a "grown-up" discussion with him that allows him to be honest without getting defensive. I would point out your concerns "I am worried because a, b and c....and your marks are dropping - are you having trouble at school? Do you need me to give you some extra help? We're in this together!" Then come up with a solution that is acceptable to both of you...so it might be that he gets home from school and needs to read for a half hour before he picks up the GameBoy...or he needs to study with you for a set time, or he needs to play ball or go outside for a while...whatever...the importnant thing is that you come up with the solution TOGETHER. He should have as much input as you do and you need to respect his feelings about it.

This way you are not only teaching him that you respect his need to play but also good communication and compromise skills :)

Oh...and I think your husband is putting WAY too many expectations on this child if he wants him to start thinking about college and his future NOW. That is completely unrealistic - he needs to let this boy be just that - a boy. He has plenty of time to worry about all of that other stuff when he is a bit older. That's not to say that you should not encourage him to do his best in school, that should ALWAYS be a priority but pressuring him to think about the future now is a recipe for disaster if you ask me.

[Billy]

Do you sit with him and help him with his homework and studying? Is he having trouble in specific subjects or all of them in general? Is he pre-occupied at school as well?

If it were me I think I would sit him down and talk to him about his grades and how he is feeling about school. Have a "grown-up" discussion with him that allows him to be honest without getting defensive. I would point out your concerns "I am worried because a, b and c....and your marks are dropping - are you having trouble at school? Do you need me to give you some extra help? We're in this together!" Then come up with a solution that is acceptable to both of you...so it might be that he gets home from school and needs to read for a half hour before he picks up the GameBoy...or he needs to study with you for a set time, or he needs to play ball or go outside for a while...whatever...the importnant thing is that you come up with the solution TOGETHER. He should have as much input as you do and you need to respect his feelings about it.

This way you are not only teaching him that you respect his need to play but also good communication and compromise skills :)

Oh...and I think your husband is putting WAY too many expectations on this child if he wants him to start thinking about college and his future NOW. That is completely unrealistic - he needs to let this boy be just that - a boy. He has plenty of time to worry about all of that other stuff when he is a bit older. That's not to say that you should not encourage him to do his best in school, that should ALWAYS be a priority but pressuring him to think about the future now is a recipe for disaster if you ask me.

Thanks so much for replying Melissa. First you should know that we're two seperate households. My DS and DD are living with their father (ex husband) for the year. ExH thinks Kyle is preoccupied with coming back home and isn't focusing and realizing that if he fails there, he won't enter the same grade with his friends back here, if he comes back home. They "claim" that ExH's wife sits down with Kyle every ngiht and helps him. I asked him last night if he were having trouble in anything and he says no. I asked him why his grades were falling and he said "I don't know". His best grade is English with an A- right now and he claims he hates this subject. He has been grounded from his gameboy for the bad midterm report. We're both certain Kyle can do better and has shown us in the past that he can.

Thank you so much for the advice and I will be passing it along if you don't mind. I tried to tell exH last night to talk to him about it (I already have), he says he already has also, but I'd like to give him your example to try it your way.

[Shel]

Melissa gave you some great advice. My boys are both obsessed with Pokemon, Yu Gi OH (drives me INSANE!!!!) We have time limits set on the amount of time they can play it. They have to do chores, finish homework, read books, keep grades up etc, to earn playing time. (example 1 hour of reading/homework = 25 minutes Playstation or Gameboy....an A on report card = 15 minutes)

[Billy]

They have to do chores, finish homework, read books, keep grades up etc, to earn playing time. (example 1 hour of reading/homework = 25 minutes Playstation or Gameboy....an A on report card = 15 minutes)

This is a great idea! Thanks Shel! Plus I'm so glad my boy isn't the only one obsessed with Pokemon :lol:

[Silke]

I have a hard time to get Natascha to do her homework. She is 10. So no college thoughts here. :lol: They are still kids after all. Natascha isn't into Pokemon, but into computer games, barbie.com, and the darn camecube.

[Shel]

We also use the same system for TV time. Jake was heartbroken last night because he had to miss American Idol because he used up all his time on Playstation. :)