Hello. I'm newer to OUAL. I was only an occasional user of UB and popped over here when this site first started, but could never find the time to become really active. After my third child was born (11/03), I was so excited to become a SAHM to my then new baby girl, 14 month old son and 10 year old daughter. I left a job I loved, but had visions of becoming this ultra-organized, gymgoing, playgroup hopping, sexy wife and mom. Instead, I feel fat, tired and frumpy. I feel like all I do is clean, change poopy diapers and do laundry. The last time I tried story time, my 2 year old kept trying to run out of the room during the story and refusing to leave when if was over (all accompanied by kicking, crying and wiggling out of my one free arm) The last playgroup I went to wasn't very "mom of 2 friendly" - it was a lot of stretching, dancing and lapsitting activities that were very one on one) The last time I took the kids to the daycare at the gym, Michael got pinkeye (and then we all got pinkeye) It takes almost an hour of bedtime rituals and heavy coaxing to get the kids to bed at night. I come downstairs completely tense, tired and frustrated afterwards and probably take it out on my DH (god love hime!) My eleven year old is in the prime of her preteen hormonal surge and stomping up the stairs and heavy sighs are becoming a daily event. I feel like I have no time for me. All our friends work and it's so ironic to me that whereas I was envious of SAHM's before, sometimes now I think it would be easier to work. I feel like I'd only have to clean the house once a day, if I had to pick up drycleaning or an Rx I could do it on my lunch hour. Now to run a simple errand it involves 3 coats, 3 pairs of shoes, 2 car seats and a double stroller. DH & I seem to constantly be hit with the unexpected dr., auto or Target uh-oh trip that reminds us how much better budgets look on paper than in RL. On the rare occasion I do catch up with a friend or get out to dinner w/ my DH, I feel like I all I do is complain...ya know...kind of like I'm doing now..:crazy:

The bottom line is I love my husband and I love my kids to pieces. I want to be able to enjoy staying home with them. I do enjoy staying home with them, I just feel like I'm not doing a very good job. I know that if I went back to work, I'd be wishing I was at home with them every minute, that I'd tried harder or been better at it. I need to get some order back here! How do you all make it look so easy? Do you make a daily schedule and force yourself to stick to it? How do you find time to exercise? How do you keep your kids from emptying an entire bookcase full of toys every time you turn around? Do you have tips on how to make outings easier? If you read all of this...thank you!

Wow, Kim, you're putting alot of pressure on top of the pressure naturally there! Can I let you in on a secret? :gossip: I only have ONE kid and my house still isn't perfect! :lol: So I think you're doing impressively with three! :) Dust will be around forever, my kid asking me to draw pictures with her or play "the Princess Game" won't. So I do laundry, empty/load the dishwasher, make a decent dinner, and anything else on top of that is just gravy. :aok: If I manage to accomplish clearing off the kitchen counter *again* (that's where everything gets piled), great. If not, it'll be waiting right there for me tomorrow.

One thing I've found that helps me is having a hobby just for me. I do cross-stitch; it's fairly easy, repetitive, but just enough work involved to still make me feel smart. :)

I hope you'll be around more!

Hi Kim :wavey: I remember you!
ok - first of all --deep breath :lol:

Schedule: We have a schedule that involves naps and mealtime and we stick to that, but that is the *only* thing on our schedule.
As far as cleaning goes, I dont have a daily schedule for that. I try to do laundry every other day so that I only have to do 2 or 3 loads each time. The only daily chore I have to do is empty the dishwasher :lol:
We don't bother picking up the house until after the twins (15 mo) are in bed. Then Aidan (almost 3) willhelp us pick up the toys. I don't physically clean the house until the weekend. Call me sick, but DH and I like to tackle it on a Friday night together and get it out of the way. It takes less time doing it as a team and you start the weekend with a clean house.

Exercise: Is not a part of my daily routine :blush: Right now, its too damn cold and we cant afford a gym membership. If we could, you sure would bet that I would be dragging the kids to the gym. Another option would be to go to the gym before your husband went to work. Not sure if that is do-able?? I am not a morning person, but when I used to work, I went to the gym before work and it always jump started my day. Anyway, the other option would be to toss them in a stroller and hike them somewhere...anywhere. That is the only exercise I get --hauling the kids around.

How to stop them from destroying the house: we finally broke down a few weeks ago and built shelving in the playroom. I put up all but a few books. I put up many toys that can be dumped. And I bring them down a few at a time. Granted, we still end up with messes, but its manageable when 3/4 of the stuff is out of their reach and I have to get it for them! :lol: I've found that this actually also helps with boredom, as well. They dont have as many toys to drag out, so they play with 3 or 4 toys for an hour, then I put them away and bring out 3 or 4 different toys. It works out well for us.

Outings: We don't do storytime. I tried it once and it was a royal disaster. I dont think it was meant for parents with more than one child or parents with two under the age of 3 :rolleyes: Which is really too bad.
I joined a MOMS Club, which was really what helped me stay sane. I found my chapter through MOMS International (www.momsclub.org (http://www.momsclub.org)) . My playgroups involve meeting at fellow mom's houses and we sit and chat on the floor while the kids play around us. :aok: Maybe that isnt what you are looking for, but for me, its what I wanted.....the laid-back adult interaction while allowing my kids to play with other kids. Of course, we do other outings, as well, but they are all pretty informal like that.

Thanks Anne and Karri! I feel better after a good night's sleep. I took a shower before my husband left for work this morning so I'm planning on getting out of the house by 9. Sometimes I think its just easier to stay home than to deal with the stress of trying to get us all dressed and out the door. I can't tell you how many times I get one of the kids dressed to go out, get the other one's coat, boots, etc. on and turn around to find the first one has taken their boots off. Then while I'm reassembling the first, the second thinks its funny and takes their boots off and so forth. Then someone usually poops! So when I do get to a playgroup, I'm totally stressed out!! :lol: But maybe I just have to come to terms that that's part of motherhood because staying at home all day certainly isn't doing any wonders on my sanity! :screwy: The kids have just learned how to "fight" and it seems to be a constant tug of war of toys. Yesterday, while I was putting away laundry the kids ripped the wallpaper border (chair rail height) off the hall walls. But that was yesterday, todays a new day! :victory: I think if I can get out the house in the mornings it will help the kids expend some of their energy so they take good afternoon naps...hopefully at the same time! Aaaah, its 8:30 and I feel in control of my day!

Karri: thanks for the link to the moms club- I emailed them to see if there's a group that meets near me. I don't know how you do it with three under three- do they fight alot?

Wish me luck!

Kim (and all other SAHM) I tip my hats to all of you! I don't know how you guys do it but you do!! :wow: :bowdown: I just wanted to offer hugs to you :hug99:

Kim -
HOORAY FOR A NEW DAY!
heck yeah, they fight a lot :lol: The twins fight with each other and then Aidan fights with them :rolleyes:
If MOMS doesnt have a chapter, or you find that they arent for you, there is also Mothers and More (www.mothersandmore.com (http://www.mothersandmore.com) ) or MOPS (mothers of preschoolers -- www.mops.org (http://www.mops.org))

I always make sure I shower before Chris leaves, otherwise, I find that my day doesnt start off on the right foot.

Oh - a lot of the time, I will host playgroup because its just easier than dragging them out. I

And I know that 'arriving at playgroup feeling stressed' feeling, because it happens to me often. I like to get out, otherwise everyone gets cabin fever and Aidan starts to act naughty. But if I don't plan right and am running late, then ARGH. I arrive all flustered and pissy :lol:

:wavey: Hi Kim!
How do you all make it look so easy? :lol2:
Do you make a daily schedule and force yourself to stick to it? We have bedtime & preschool for Maggie.... those are the definites. Some other things get added in as they come up and then we work around all those things. We are working on getting a set time to start the day.

How do you find time to exercise? I lift weights... I have one 22.5lb (I call that one Katie) and one and one 33.5lb one (Maggie). I plan to join the Y in a few weeks. Their child care is free for 2hours a day and that will serve double duty for me as exercise and time to myself.

How do you keep your kids from emptying an entire bookcase full of toys every time you turn around? I don't. My house is almost always a mess. Like Anne, I've prioritized laundry and a few other things, all else is gravy. I have found that I feel better when my kitchen is clean, so I am more likely to spend time on that at night.

Do you have tips on how to make outings easier?If the boots are an issue, put them in the car/stroller without their boots on (I have a garage). If they are strapped in, its harder for them to get to their shoes.

MOMS Club is great.

For storytimes, I keep a bjorn with me. Even if I can't pick the 2yo up, I have two hands free and can balance when I talk to her. I'm hoping my mei tei will make this even easier.

For playgroups, I mention I have 2. If the host sounds funny about it or can't accommodate one, I beg off. Its just not worth it.

Kim, Honestly, I think all SAHM mom feel what you are feeling at various times. I know I do on occasion. You have received great advice so far and sound as though you needed a good nights sleep. For me though taking a shower before dh leaves for work (anywhere btw 4 and 5 am) just isn't going to happen so I take mine the night before. I try to get one thing cleaned during the day. Not a room just something, like changing sheets or vacuuming the floor or something. I spend two segments cleaning the kids messes. Right before bed when Emma helps and right before naps when I try to get them both to help. I set a timer and give Emma a length of time and help her. We try to beat the clock so to speak. A timer is my best friend. If I really need to get sometghing done I set the timer for 15 mins and work on it. When it goes off then I am done for 15 mins and spend that time with the kids and then I go back to it for 15 mins. Usually a total of 30 mins is enough time to accomplish something. The key is not to expect too much of yourself. Like Karri said, naps and mealtimes are about the only thing scheduled. However in the fall that will change with me homeschooling Emma with preschool .

Good luck and I hope today goes much better.

The life of a SAHM is HARD! Especially when you've got 2 that are so little. I remember very well days when Sean was a baby (and before Sierra was potty trained) where I felt I would go insane if I had to change one more poopy diaper. My house is always a mess. I call that "life" and if someone has a problem with that, well they don't have to come here. :lol: All I can say is it gets easier with time.

:hug99: to you!


I am a WAHM... Dh and I have a 3yr old that we decided we wanted brought up at home... so in order to survive financially, I also raise 7 other children too!

I have a home daycare (not all 7 are here at the same time... but I always have 3 kids + my daughter, from 7:30am till 5pm @ 4 days a week ~~ 2 days per week, my multichild day starts at 7am and ends at 9pm!). Anyhow... I gave up all adult contact to be able to raise my child at home... and hopefully will be able to conceive a 2nd child in the near future.

I agree with everyone... its friggen hard!!!!! My house is a mess - given I have 4 kids ages 3 and under roaming it every day of the week. I spend my weekends doing groceries, cleaning house, doing laundry... all the stuff I cant do during the week, yet it stares me in the face every day :(

Schedule... yes I have one --- Do I follow it to a T... Not even close! There are days where I am SO worn out, that all I can bring myself to do, is pop in a Disney movie to occupy the kids till lunch time... and then relax during rest/naptime - however... I still have to be able to see and hear the kids in case they get up and roam.

People say to me "How nice that you stay home to raise your child"... I hardly get to spend any time with her... and I feel GUILTY about that. I am busy with the other kids - their discipline issues, their snotty noses, their dirty diapers. It sucks sometimes.

Anyhow.... sorry to dump in your thread... I just wanted to come here and say that I FEEL YOUR PAIN! But -- I keep reminding myself... there will be a day when I sit in a clean, dustfree, toy-free, quiet home, and I will long for these days... *that* is what pulls me through during the tough times.

:justahug:

Go ahead, dump away in my thread! It's making me feel more human! :crazy: Yesterday, I dutifully showered before DH left for work and got out of the house. Made a huge difference. Today? The blankets were just so warm at 6 am and "just five more minutes" quickly became an hour and I was sending my husband off to work. oops! That's ok, I had a hair appt. last night so it's still looks pretty decent. I think I'll venture out for a walk unshowered today - it's supposed to get close to 40 here today. I'm off to a stroller thread to get advice on a rugged double stroller. Thanks for helping me back to reality. My dh family stops over all the time and I always freak about the "condition" of the house. I guess I just have to get over it.

Kim :hug99:


I remember many times, putting Kaitlyn in her bouncy chair and bringing her into the bathroom while I showered - I would belt out daycare songs to keep her occupied.

I too find the sheets nice and warm early in the morning ;) I try to squeeze every last second of shut eye that I can into my morning :blush: I still answer my door in my jammies when the first child arrives in the morning :blush: I try to shower at night - then just wet my hair in the morning to try and quell the nasty bed head I get with short, thick hair. However, somedays I opt to just look like the toddlers I look after ;) :lol:

I am part SAH, and part working! :lol: I'm working in the afternoon's right now, but am home with my two kids during the days. I just started this job 5 weeks ago, so before that, I was a full SAHM.

What works for me is to not stress the little things. HA! Easier said than done, I know, but it still helps at times to try to remember that. I like Sabrina's idea of just having one plan of attack per day, even if it's change the sheets day, or trip to the library day, or walk around the block three times day - just something that is on the agenda.

I also find it makes the day better to get up and get cleaned up right away. I always feel better about myself if I'm actually dressed than still in my jammies at 2 PM, you know? :blush: :lol:

And now, even with me working part time, some things are going to have to slide. But, what is most important is that I get to spend the majority of my day with my kids, and that is worth it to me at all costs, including having a disasterous house! :lol: