Hello all :) -

As some of you know, I have one daughter (22 months old). She will be turning two on 3/20. Currently, she stays w/a nanny. Adriana is a Hispanic lady that keeps Livi and one other child (5 months older) in her home. She has recently added a baby (one year old in March) on a part time (until noon each day) basis. Adriana has kept Livi since she was six months old. We love her and consider her to be part of our family.

Current situation - Livi has become aggressive at Adriana's. She fights over toys constantly. She bites and hits the other child frequently now. The other child is quite bossy, but, Livi responds aggressively. She even does this behavior toward Adriana. She often tells me NO MIMI and NO KENZIE (their names) when I ask her if she is ready to go in the morning. I also get NO WORK MOMMY.

Our home - We NEVER see this behavior. Of course, Livia is not perfect...we do experience the occasional toddler tantrum and such. But, no biting. I often have her around other children and again...no aggression.

My thoughts - I'm thinking that the situation may not be a good environment for her. Maybe there isn't enough stimulation. Maybe she has been labeled "bad girl". Maybe she is just fighting for attention. With that said, I am beginning to look into other options and have found a daycare center w/a two year old program that includes music, Spanish (which she knows b/c nanny is Hispanic), computer and tumbling. But, again....they have 9 children in a room..which terrifies me.

Please give me your thoughts - what would you do? Daycare? Just looking for some feedback.

Thank you!
:biggrin:- Erin

This is just my opinion, since you asked what we would do. I would move her into the daycare center, assuming I was comfortable with it. Joe (3) and Frances (18 months) go to a center and it's been really good for both of them.

Dennis

Rebekah is in a daycare center with 11 other kids and 2 teachers (she only goes 2x a week). She's thriving and she's very well-behaved there. The teacher says she's not agressive at all and never fights with the other kids.

Did this all just start when the new baby came? Maybe your daughter is jealous of the new child, especially since the new child is younger and requires more attention.

I'm not sure what to suggest. You could wait it out a little and see if Livia settles down. Or you could look for another place. Go with your gut feeling. It's probably right.

I wouldn't rule out the center, though. It sounds like alot of fun and 9 kids in one room isn't bad at all.

I want to add that 9 kids in a room with 2 teachers is a good ratio. What do you find so scary about it Erin?

First of all, thank you very much for your input Dennis and Brooke. My gut instinct is telling me that a move to a daycare center may be in order. My only hesitation is that she is accustomed to being w/just one other child and has (up to this point) been very attached to Adriana....almost like a 3rd grandmother. With that said, she typically thrives in social settings and she has been in a daycare center before (at six months of age - for two months). She is exceptionally bright verbally and seems to do well in structured activities.

While I do think the addition of the baby may be a part of the problem (detracting attention from Livi and the other child), I get the feeling that Livi is the "bad" (aka often punished) child. The other child is quite different - very bossy, tattle tale...typical 2-year-old girl. This, of course, doesn't give my child a license to turn into Jaws, but, I feel like Livi is labeled and maybe patience is lost on her. As I said earlier, I would understand more if I witnessed the behavior, but, I don't.

Which leads me to another question....how do you handle situations at daycare such as this? Meaning...Adriana will unload on me as if having a conversation w/Livi after work will help. It's my understanding that children must be disciplined at that time. Yes...we discuss it....but, I can't swoop in 5 hours later and "fix it." Also - why call me and unload at work and then act like everything is fine when discussing the incident in person? I'm confused....

At the daycare Matthew went to they'd discipline right then and there (they do the same at the part time preschool he attends now). It doesn't do any good HOURS later. That's craziness. If she's not disciplining her when it happens, it's just going to help her think it's ok.

I think a move would do her good. The structure, especially with more kids, will probably really help her thrive.

Honestly - our daycare handles all of it. We never hear of problems. The teachers do it all. But Rebekah is really good there and she doesn't have any discipline issues.

Here are some things for you to consider...

Kids this age need structure and routine.
What's Adriana's house like?
Do they play all day?
Do they have structured activities - like set play times and nap times - or do they just play when they want and nap when they want?
What is the discipline?
Are the "rules" clear and consistent?

Also - there's alot of respect for the teachers in daycares. The kids follow the rules because Miss so-and-so said so. Rebekah does things at home that she'd never do at Miss Tina's class because it's against the rules. They learn very quickly what's expected of them and what they need to do.

I'm not saying that in-home care providers are bad. Some of them are very good and are very caring people. I'm just saying that maybe your particular nanny isn't giving Livi what she needs anymore.

I am thinking that Livi is biting for one of two reasons (or both) ---she is bored or she wants attention. Having worked in daycare for years, it sounds like that to me (now dont ask me why my own kid is biting :blush: )

I think an in-home situation can be a great environment. However, I think that once children get to a certain age, they start to crave some sort of structure and stimulation. While Adrianna may love Livi to death, she may not be able to give Livi the attention that she needs in the morning.

You may want to shop around and start looking at some daycares again. Livi is at that age where she will thrive in that environment --with structure like circle time and arts & crafts, but still have free play time and outside play time.

And re: disciplining Livi for her behavior. Well, more needs to be done than that. Its her job to figure out why she's doing it (is she bored? unsupervised? being provoked?) and to try to stop it before it happens. When it does happen, she needs to deal with it RIGHT THEN. Having you talk to Livi about it 5 hours later is sheer craziness. She may comprehend some of it, but I highly doubt it would do a lick of good.

I agree with Brooke. The teachers at our daycare handle the discipline issues. They will call us if there is a big problem, because it's easier for them to call during naptime than to try to talk about it during pick up or drop off with Joe right there. Like Brooke said, the kids really learn the rules and know what's expected. Joe always tells us things like "You can't push someone because then you have to sit in the green chair" (the timeout chair) and so on.

I also think from a socialization standpoint the daycare center would be really good for Livi. I think in a situation where there is only one or two other kids, it ends up being like a sibling rivalry. In a class with 8 other kids the social dynamics are much different.

Good luck with whatever you decide, I know it's a difficult decision.

Dennis

Thank you very much, guys...for making me feel human. I must say..my first reaction was to blame myself, but, I agree on many points that you have brought to my attention. The "schedule" seems to be a nap at different points every day (including a complete no nap day last week) and random play. There are some designated activities such as crafts, but, they are infrequent. I do think that socialization may do her some good. DH and I are going to look at the center I described on Wednesday morning. I'll let you know how that goes. I just dread change, hurting Adriana's feelings, etc. But, I won't hesitate to do what is best for Livia. Again, thank you and keep your suggestions coming.

:biggrin:- Erin

You know my thoughts on this, but I just want to say that you have really gotten some great advice and things to think about here :aok:

I am a home daycare provider - with many years of daycare center experience. Reading your first post brought up the following:

How much experience does your provider currently have in the field of child care? Yes, she might be the nicest person on earth, but if she doesnt have a strong background in childcare - then the move to a daycare would be your best choice right now.

Dont blame yourself for the biting and behavior ~ it's more typical than you think. However, the issue is how it's handled and what sort of behavior modification takes place right when the problem arises.

I say, visit the daycare center - unnannounced, so you can get a good feel for things.... look at the teachers there and see how they interact with children, esp children who are displaying inappropriate behaviors.

Sorry you are going through this... I opted to stay home with Kaitlyn because I did not feel comfortable placing her in any daycare or home childcare that I had seen during my years at work, and during my many *visits* while pregnant.

:hug:

Thank you, Chantal. I appreciate your input. DH and I are visiting tomorrow. To answer your question, our provider has over 25 years of experience and was previously a teacher in Mexico. She has also been a private nanny for a family w/two children before. She is exceptionally great w/infants. I just think that 2 toddlers combined w/issues at home (which I didn't go into) are adding to her possible lack of patience. She lives in a home w/her daughter, son-in-law and their two children. The oldest of the children (4) has behavior issues along with sensory integration dysfunction. Bottom line - she cares for 2 toddlers during the day and I think she assumes a lot of responsibility in caring for her grandchildren. Which means no escape for her. But, harsh as it may sound, their personal issues aren't my problem :blush:. I want my child to get appropriate attention plus I want her to be challenged - not just play, sleep and eat w/out organization. KWIM?

How did the daycare visit go?