The other thread about saving money for the future got me thinking. Do any of you ever feel guilty for not being able to save? My ultimate dream would be to able to have enough money that I could tell my children that they can go to any college they want and we could afford it. As it is now, we'll be lucky if we can afford airfare home for Christmas. I know a lot can change in the next 16 years, but I'm so afraid of feeling like a failure because I won't be able to pay for my children's college. If I was working, we might be able to save some for that, but at the same time, I think it's really important to have a parent home and worth the sacrifices that are required for that, including college.

Does anyone else feel the same way?

Theresa, it all depends on the perspective. After all, both of my parents worked the whole time I was growing up, and they STILL couldn't afford for me to go to college! So I feel good knowing that we're doing the best we possibly can, and hopefully we are raising Caroline and any future children with enough financial sense that they would contribute *anyway*, even if we could afford to pay for it fully.

I think about this alot, too. Sometimes I wonder what the girls will think when/if we tell them that we just don't have the money for them to go to the college they want. Or what they will think/say when we can't offer other financial "extras" we would like to be able to offer.

I comfort myself with the thought that I have LOTS of time with them to help them to understand that "the best things in life are free" and that we are doing what we feel is best for our family right now.

And if things should happen to change (ie I end up working more either insie or outside the home) I hope that we'll be able to help them understand why that became the best thing for us.

We'l still be able to tell our kids they can go to any college they want to. My mom said that to me and she was raising me on a teacher's salary--I ended up going to a college that cost more than $30,000 a year--I won scholarships (local and national), had financial aid, had a work-study job, took out loans, and my mom took out loans too.

My mom was a SAHM for most of my life (she did go back to work when I was in high school, but she doesn't make much money, it's just something she enjoys doing) and my brother and I both went wherever we wanted for college as well. My state university wasn't super-expensive, but my parents paid for 100% of my tuition, and my brother chose to go to a very expensive private university (well over $30K/yr) so they paid for the majority of his tuition and he took out student loans for the balance.

Now, granted, my dad is a doctor so he makes a good deal more money than my DH does, but like Sarah said - there's always a way to make college work if you want it to. I'm not concerned about it, and I think the time I'm spending with Emily now is worth much more than any income I've given up by not working outside the home.

No...I don't feel guilty. Both my parents worked growing up and I always wanted a mommy who was home when I got home from school. Anyway, they didnt have money to pay for me or my brothers to go to college, and they made this clear to us from the start. We were encouraged to work and save and do well in school and they helped us as much as they could (they paid for our first year of tuition, room & board) , helping when we couldnt work much during finals & needed cash, or helping to make sure we always had healthy food in the fridge, etc. I will do the same with my children...let them know that they can go anywhere they want....all they have to do is work for it....get good grades to get scholarships. I honestly feel that sometimes, you work harder when you dont get it handed to you...KWIM?

We'll send Katie wherever she wants to go. We'll figure out a way to pay for it if she's willing to work hard and wants it badly enough. Where there's a will, there's a way. We're fortunate, because MIL and FIL put $100 a month in a college account for Katie, and have since she was born. So, she'll have that to use when she goes to college, plus anything else we're able to save. And if she wants to go somewhere really expensive, she'll have to want it enough to work for it. I don't think that my being at home with her right now means she has to compromise her college dreams in any way. In fact, I think my being at home with her will help her to be more successful in school, which is going to help her with college far more than my working to save a little $$$ will.

We do have a 529 set up for Emily, and are contributing just $50/month towards it...and we'll do another account this spring when Molly arrives. It's quite tight some months, but at the same time, this is way more than either of our families ever did for us. My dad was in the Air Force, and my mom worked part time...we didn't have a lot of money, I wasn't handed a car at 16, but it was just expected that I would go to college. I did get a couple of scholarships, but didn't qualify for federal aid, so I have student loans. DH's dad worked but his mom didn't, and he grew up with a lot less than I did...and zero expectation of college. At times I get really angry inside with his mom, because DH was an honor student all through HS...his grades would have gotten him scholarships, and because his dad made so little money, he would've gotten all kinds of grants and federal aid....but his mom never made an effort to check into anything like that, and none of his counselor's ever suggested it. He does now have his BS degree, courtesy of his job's 100% tuition program.

We feel it is more important for me to be home during these early years than worry about funding their college educations 100%. Even though we are saving for their college, we do not intend to fund it 100%...just to help. I will expect the girls to get good grades and be well rounded students, and they will apply for every scholarship that's out there.

My children will go to whatever college they want as long as they work hard enough to get in it. My dad has been putting away money for Michael since he was born and now does the same for Benjamin. I also have a separate account for Benjamin as well. Michael has a second account that is in trust for him from my brothers life insurance. It's set up so that he gets a % at 18. He gets another % at 21 providing he's in college and passing. He gets the remaining balance at 25. An age you hope they are a little more responsible.

Do any of you ever feel guilty for not being able to save? SAHM doesn't = SAHM can never save money, IMO.

Are we on one-income? Yes. Does that mean we can't save? No. If anything, I think that makes us save even more, because I know when we both worked we were bringing in so much dough that alot of it was spent on *things* that we had to have or wanted, etc. By being on one income now just makes us think more sensibly about saving. We save more now than when I worked before becoming a SAHM. Losing $40,000/yr. is ALOT of money to miss out on, but we have special accounts set up for Lexie to help her with whatever she chooses to use it for. To help her get started on her way.... See, these are things that we never ever thought of before being on one income.

In my family (I have 3 other sisters), we were all raised to get a job and help save if you wanted certain things in life. Yes, our parents helped us as much as they could if we came up short or whatever, whether it being college tuition, etc. But like Karri, it was said from the start that they have 4 children and they can't afford to pay for our college for us all. Because we will be having 2 kids AT MOST, we plan on paying for whatever we can for them. Even though we will be contributing as much as we can, it does not mean it will be handed to her (them)...they must also work and help *contribute* too. If that means for them becoming more responsible by getting a job, then so be it. And that comes in where I liked what Karri also said about how one works harder when it's not being handed to you.....so true, IMO. :) Oh, and myself and 2 of my other sisters who are married...we all paid for our own weddings, first cars, and our college... :) My mother was a SAHM until I was about 12 yrs. old. :)

You shouldn't feel like a failure for not being able to put them through school 100% money-wise.

Nah...I don't feel guilty at all. I'm with Anne-they can go wherever they want, and somehow we'll make it work. These things just have a way of happening, through scholarships, etc. and I'm not going to deny them the education they want.

I'm a SAHM, but the job I had didn't exactly rake in a ton of dough (I'm a speech pathologist at a school...very decent hours/vacations, but not a huge salary)...right now it doesn't make sense for me to stick 2 kids in full time daycare, because I'd bring home peanuts. As much as I love being a SAHM, I plan to go back to work once my youngest is in first grade because, well, I liked my work and I miss it.

Erica

No...I don't feel guilty. Both my parents worked growing up and I always wanted a mommy who was home when I got home from school. Anyway, they didnt have money to pay for me or my brothers to go to college, and they made this clear to us from the start. We were encouraged to work and save and do well in school and they helped us as much as they could (they paid for our first year of tuition, room & board) , helping when we couldnt work much during finals & needed cash, or helping to make sure we always had healthy food in the fridge, etc. I will do the same with my children...let them know that they can go anywhere they want....all they have to do is work for it....get good grades to get scholarships. I honestly feel that sometimes, you work harder when you dont get it handed to you...KWIM?

Ditto this for me. I don't feel THAT guilty, only because as one of 5 kids, even with both parents working, there was no way they could afford to send us ALL to college. 4 of the 5 of us have gone on to post graduate work as well...and they didn't pay for any of that either.

They did pay for our first year, and after that, they helped if we needed it but we didn't get an allowance or anything like that..
Granted, I am now paying off $65,000 worth of school loans but we feel it was absolutely worth it.

Once our credit card debt is paid off, we plan to start a savings plan (IRA, tax deferred, 403K type of thing) for the kids, but as of right now, it doesn't make sense to be earning a lesser interest rate than what we currently owe on credit cards.

Overall though, I think the value of me staying home with the kid(s) outweighs any savings I would make working.