I know most of you don't have the option - your kids have to go to daycare.

I have an option now. Rebekah was put in daycare in March because my grandmother was sick and my mom couldn't take care of both of them full time. So Rebekah started daycare twice a week. Now that Grandmother is gone, mom has offered to watch Rebekah full time again whenever I'm ready.

After the normal adjustments, she started doing fine and she'd been doing fine all along. She switched rooms and teachers at the end of August. She's with most of the same kids she was with before.

She seemed to be doing ok there until we had vacation at the end of September. I was home for the week and that's when we potty trained her. She stayed home with me. After vacation was over, she went back to school but she started to resist going. She'd get upset when we talked about it the night before and she'd fight me while getting ready in the mornings.

They had class pictures a few weeks ago and my mom and I took her up to school on a Friday morning so she could be in the class photo. I didn't want to take her but Darren insisted. We were there for about an hour and then we took her back to my mom's and I went to work.

Ever since then she cries whenever we talk about school. She cries when I drop her off, and she cries several times throughout the day. Around the same time, 2 other things changed. She stopped taking naps on a regular basis and Darren started picking her up in the afternoons.

During nap time, she just lays there for the whole 3 hour rest period. She can read books but she gets upset ad the teacher ends up sitting there talking to her for most of the time. I've talked to another daycare person and she said that's way too long to make them be quiet and I'm starting to agree.

And when Darren picks her up, he picks her up earlier than I do and she's usually out playing on the playground. So now she expects him to pick her up while she's outside and when he doesn't come, she refuses to go inside and then she cries. They have morning and afternoon playground time so she starts crying when he doesn't come during the morning outside time now. I've asked him to not pick her up early but he didn't think it was an issue.

Anyway - these daycare mornings with her fighting getting dressed and then crying when I drop her off at school are getting to be too much for me. I leave there every morning upset and stressed and it really messes up my whole day. And then when we pick her up and they say she cried all day long, it just kills me. I don't know what to do.

We plan on taking her out of school next August so she can start an actual preschool program (2 hrs a day on Tues and Thurs). She cannot start that until the September after she turns 3.

Right now I'm questioning whether she's really getting anything out of going to school if she is just crying all day while she's there. My mom says I can take her out of school whenever I want and she'll go back to watching her full time. But then mom says she doesn't think I should take her out while she's still crying all day because then she "wins". I'm not sure it's a case of who wins. I really think she's just really upset there and I don't know what to do about it.

Brooke- have you looked into some sort of preschool program that she could start now where she goes every day but just until noon or so and then have your mom pick her up? Maybe if was more than just a daycare and her day was shorter it might make a difference?

Also, I would have to agree....3 hours is way to long to make them be still if they are not napping. Abby still takes a 3 hour nap in the afternoon. In fact, that is why she only goes to school part time in that they only offer then about 90 minutes of "quiet time" and I figured I would let her keep her 3 hour naps as long as she wants them since we have that option. But forcing them to take a 3 hour nap seems like a bad idea.

Just my two cents ... Hanna has been in a home daycare environment since she turned one. Next September I'm going to be putting her into a junior kindergarden but until then, I'm leaving her where she is. There will be enough change come next year.

I can only think that Rebekah just needs a normal routine back again. I would ask your mom to take her back again full time & then start in the next fall season with a new routine that is more consistent. ie, she goes x # of days a week consistently or full time or whatever but it has to be the same every week (other than the odd vacation time out). Putting her in & out at your own discretion isn't the answer. Again, IMHO. :)

A few questions...

Do you think being with your mom that Rebekah gets enough interaction/socialization with other kids? Is she on enough of a routine when she's with your mom?

A half-day or three day preschool program would give her enough kid to kid interaction and still time with your mom. And of course money-savings.

That three hour forced rest period seems long.

I'll try to answer all of the questions. I really need advice. Just talking about it today, mom says take her out, Darren and a co-worker say leave her in.

Brooke- have you looked into some sort of preschool program that she could start now where she goes every day but just until noon or so and then have your mom pick her up? Maybe if was more than just a daycare and her day was shorter it might make a difference?
I looked into one program over the summer. It started in September and was 2 days a week, 2 hrs each day. It was for 2.5 yr olds but they had to be potty trained and she wasn't going to be trained by Sept 1 so she couldn't go. She is trained now but all of the preschool programs around here run on a school year basis so they start in September. She can't just jump into one of them now.

she goes x # of days a week consistently or full time or whatever but it has to be the same every week (other than the odd vacation time out). Putting her in & out at your own discretion isn't the answer. Again, IMHO. :)
We don't put her in and out. She goes every Tuesday and Thursday unless she is sick, with the exception of when I was on vacation from work for a week in September. I kept her home to potty train that week.

This coming September, she'll go to a preschool 2 days a week for only 2 hrs a day.

Do you think being with your mom that Rebekah gets enough interaction/socialization with other kids? Is she on enough of a routine when she's with your mom?
Mom has her on a routine at her house but it's not as strict as the routine at school.

She gets some interraction with other kids outside of daycare. I've had her in a weekly craft class since June - I take her in the evenings. We're going to take a break from that after this session is finished. Mom and rebekah will be starting a playgroup in January. It's every Friday morning for 2 hrs, with kids ages 2-5. They also go to the library at least once a week, sometimes for story hour if they have it (it's not every week) or just to play and read. And once a week they go to visit my other grandmother, who watches my aunt's 3-yr-old son so they can play. On pretty days they go to the park and often meet up with the same kids every time.

If I ask mom to take her somewhere, she will, as long as it's within her driving limits. Mom is not a very confident driver.

I think 3 hours is way too long for a toddler to have to keep quiet like that. What about just having go half days? Could your mom pick her up after lunch? I realize you'd still be paying for the full days, but it still might be worth it for the socialization and such.

Dennis

I think 3 hours is way too long for a toddler to have to keep quiet like that. What about just having go half days? Could your mom pick her up after lunch? I realize you'd still be paying for the full days, but it still might be worth it for the socialization and such.

Dennis
Actually, I think I can do 1/2 days there, and it's a little less money (not that I care about the money - I'll have to pay mom if I put her there full time so it really doesn't matter). I'll have to check.

Well I am sure that I don't even need to post my advice - I bet you know what I am going to say anyway :)

I say take her out. NOW in fact. Listen to what she is telling you and not what anyone else is. She is obviously not having any fun, she is obviously distraught...and you already know how I feel about that ridiculous three hour rest period. She will be fine with your Mom and perhaps, even better. At least your mind will be more at ease and you, hopefully, will have an easier time of it.

Thanks, Melissa. I did know what you were going to say. And I think you give pretty good advice. Remember when I PM'ed you for advice when Rebekah was like 5 weeks old and she wouldn't sleep and I wanted to put her on her belly? I think I still have that saved in a Word document. You really saved my sanity that day.

I'll talk to Darren about it again tonight. I feel bad thinking about taking her out - I feel like she has to be getting something out of being there - but I feel worse when I think about leaving her there. It's so sad. She doesn't throw fits or cling to me or anything. She just quietly sits there and the tears just roll down her cheeks.

She just quietly sits there and the tears just roll down her cheeks. Oh, that is just SO sad! :(

I definitely say take her out. From there, either find another type of daycare/preschool or let your mom take care of her full-time. Either one would be better than what she's doing now. I think it's really important to listen to what Rebekah is trying to tell you. I don't think it's about letting her "win".

A co-worker of mine had her son in a preschool and the first couple of months were fine and then he started throwing fits every morning when it was time to drop him off. She couldn't figure out why he didn't want to go and the teachers were not very helpful, either. She decided to take him out and try a different daycare center. He is much happier now.

I agree with Melissa. Take her out. She clearly isn't getting anything from it....especially since she has to spend 3 hours sitting on a mat, not interating with anyone but a teacher who feels sorry for her (i still can't believe that they make her do that. its ridiculous.)

Anyway --I would say that as long as your mom will take her to regularily scheduled things where she will be able to interact with other children her age, she will be fine between now & September. I see no reason in keeping her there...even part time...because you are just paying money and she is not getting anything from it. Nor would I look for another daycare, because by the time she gets adjusted, you'll just be pulling her out shortly thereafter to start preschool.

I think you have to go with your gut on this one, Brooke.

I really want my kids to get socialization apart from us, and so I started Aidan in a school-like daycare program at 21 months. It’s 2 mornings a week for 3.5 hours. There were some rough moments, but all in all, he likes it and has grown from it. He's only had a few days where he says he doesn't want to go, but he's always fine when we get there, or within a few minutes of arriving.

We tried Colin at the same place back in September, so at 19 months…he hated, hated, hated it. (This after he never wanted to leave when he dropped off Aidan.) He cried practically the whole time and I think he’s still traumatized by it since he now cries when we’re out of his view. :rolleyes:

Now, of course, Rebekah is older than Colin. And I have to say, if Colin was her age, I am not sure if I would have pulled him. :dunno: Mainly because I want him to learn apart from us and I think it’s really important he has some time away from us each week so that he can learn to take direction from other adults and so that he can interact on his own with other kids. However, it does sound like Rebekah is getting that from your mom and from the activities she’s doing with her…as well as the craft class you take her to.

One more thing…I know a lot of preschool classes do say a Sept cutoff, but I’m looking to change Aidan now and there are some that have had openings mid-year. It might take some calling around, but there might be a few slots she could get into as a 2.5 year old who is potty trained.

Good luck...I hope you can make the decision that is right for you and Rebekah so that it's not as stressful for you.

I think you have to go with your gut on this one, Brooke.


Yeah....unfortunately, it's so confused it doesn't know what to think.

My head says she needs to learn to stay there on her own and that this is a phase. She was fine there from March through mid-September, she even did fine with the classroom and teacher change. So what's causing this? The analytical side of me wants to know what's wrong and fix it. The teachers just say she's sad. :dunno:

And then my heart says she's not happy, take her out.

Unfortunately, I was like this when I was her age. I cried from preschool through first grade. Every day.

Ok...so Darren just picked her up (outside on the playground :rolleyes: ) and her teacher said that she had a good day and didn't cry at all.

:dunno:

Brooke, have you asked her why she is crying and upset? Can she give you a reason? When Joe is like that if we ask him the reason, it really helps. One time he thought they were going to move him to another room, because he misunderstood what the teacher said. Once we were able to explain to him that he wasn't moving, he was fine.

That said, if she is that miserable, I would take her out. There has to be a reason for it.

Mary

I ask her why she doesn't want to go and she just cries more. I ask what's wrong and she can't tell me. All she can say is that she wants to go to TG's house (TG is my mom). That's all I can get from her. I ask if she likes school and sometimes she says yes and sometimes she says no.

There is one child in there, a boy named Patrick, who is really pushy. He steps on all the girls, walks right over them when they are sitting, and he pushes the boys. And there is a boy named Brandon who always seems to want to hug Rebekah when we first get there. They weren't in her class last time and sometimes I think they overwhelm her. But I don't see how that could be the only thing that makes her not want to go there.

She seemed happy when she got home today. :dunno:

As long as you have the option of your mother, I would take her out since something is obviously not sitting well, with her or you. Even if you can't put your finger on it, that is probably something that just isn't fitting right with your life style and that daycare. In the fall, you can look into pre-school, and start again with that. I don't think she will suffer from little interaction in that amount of time.

Ok...tell me what you guys think of this.

Rebekah's teacher is Miss Tina. She has an assistant but I don't know her name.
Miss Donna used to be the assistant but she's now the head teacher of another room. Rebekah's room (Rm 6) and Miss Donna's room (Rm 5) combine in the mornings and afternoons when not all the kids are there.

This morning, on the way to my mom's house, Rebekah and I had this conversation.

R - Mommy, I sad.
Me - why are you sad?
R - I need miss Tina.
Me - Ok, you'll go see Miss Tina tomorrow, ok?
R - Ok.
Me - Do you like school?
R - No, I no like school.
Me - Why don't you like school?
R - I no like Miss Donna.
Me - Why don't you like her?
R - She's ucky.
Me - She is?
R - Yes, she smells ucky. I like miss Tina.

:rolleyes: WEll, Miss Tina is on a new shift and she doesn't get there until about 9am, after I drop Rebekah off. Until then, Rebekah is with Miss Donna in her room. I don't know if that has anything to do with the crying but I finally got her to give me a reason why she doesn't like school.

I would keep sending her and tell Miss Donna to take a bath :lol:

Matthew says he doesn't like school (preschool) and if I ask why it's because "Miss Lori and Miss Monica tell me not to run" :lol: Boo hoo, suck it up, kid :)

It sounds like you have your reason. I don't know about how Miss Donna smells (although my thought is maybe she smokes), but the change in schedules is probably what started it. I'd say talk to the director about it (not the smell part) and go from there.

Dennis

UPDATE

I did not take Rebekah out of school. I just kept taking her.

The Tuesday before Thanksgiving, I took her in and her 2 teachers - Tina and Jessica - were there (Usually it's Jessica and Donna, the one she doesn't like). She didn't really cry that day. While I was putting away her stuff, I was talking to Tina and Jessica and I whispered that Rebekah says she doesn't like Miss Donna. They laughed but I think they really took it into consideration.

Ever since then, whenever we get there, Miss Donna says hi to us but then she leaves Rebekah alone. She had been trying to hold her and comfort her before and it just made the crying worse. Now, Jessica, or Tina if she's there, comes over and talks to Rebekah and sits with her until after I leave. And Rebekah hasn't cried since then. When I left her there on Tuesday, miss Tina had just walked in and I asked Rebekah if she was happy to be at school that day and she said yes.

So, I don't know what happened, or if the teachers really made a change or what. But Rebekah's doing much better than she was before.

That's great that she's doing better Brooke!

I'm so glad to hear it! :)