This could besuch a long post but I am going to try and keep it reasonably short. I just need to vent and get things off my chest! i'm posting this here because I feel like other working parent will be able to relate.

I feel exhausted, upset and on the edge!! I have so many things going on and I am loosing my composure.... and I usually am the one who can carry the load, handle everything at once and do it well.

I get up at 6am, take Abby to daycare and then work until around 5 - 5:30. I never get home until well after 6.
My job is stressing me out and I'm under a lot of pressure. I feel like I never get even 5 min to relax. And to top it off Abby is waking 1-4 times a night and is up for the day at 6am even on weekends and this has been going on for about 4-5 weeks now.

After a long day of work yesterday and running on very little sleep I leave work at 5;30 to pick up Abby. My husband calls (who gets off work at 4:30) and asks if I can stop by the grocery store and pick up soda. I told him I didn't want to stop, I have to make stops every darn day and I just want to go home instead of draging Abby out of her carseat and around the grocery store. But I stopped anyway and I just got all the groceries we needed for the next few days or so, whatever we were out of.

Then I get home at 6:45 and you know what he has done the whole time he has been at home.... played on the internet!!!!!! he could have helped out by starting some dinner, doing dishes, folding some laundry or at least sorting the mail!! I was ticked but I didn't say anything.

So all night I just thought about how *I* never get time to sit for a few minutes and relax, it's run to daycare, to work, to daycare, stop and get anything and everything we need, cook dinner, care for Abby, clean up, make bottles.... I never get to sit down until after 9:00 at night and then I just take a shower and get in bed. I am so exhausted!!! I feel like I take care of everything! I make sure we have everything we need, even if it means running out on my lunch time, I take care of all the bills, all the finances. All my husband has to do is work, put his paycheck in the bank, help with Abby (which means play with her and *I* would love to have time for that) and mow the lawn.

On top of it all we owe $$ and I don't know how we are ever going to get ahead again. I don't even have time for a second job and I have seriously thought about it. I'm just so frustrated.

I completly lost it on my husband this morning. he was being so dramatic about being tired and having to get Abby ready for daycare.

My husband is such a great person, and he is good to me. I just feel like *I* do everything. And when do I get time to just sit around and relax after work like he does everyday. I haven't even been alone in the house for months!

I think i'm just completly exhausted and I just am caving under all the stress of having to deal with everything and the fact that it is always me who worries about everything and handles everything in our lives.

I'm actually wondering if I'm depressed! I don't know what to do to get through things!!!!!!

Thanks for letting me vent!

:bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug::b ighug::bighug::bighug:
I have totally been there/am there with ya ... It is SOOOO hard, Tori... being a working fulltime OUT of the home and working fulltime IN the home is a major challenge, and Nate DEFINITELY needs to be helping out more... John is the SAME way, except its not so much internet as it is just TV :rolleyes: No excuse for it, though... Men dont' realize how much we are mentally/emotionally drained by the time we get home from OUR job and then have to take care of OUR kid(s) every night... :bighug: Vent away if you need to, sista :nod:

Tori - I am in the same position as you. Darren gets up at 4am, gets himself showered and dressed and goes to work. He doesn't have to worry about anyone except himself, unless he thinks to feed the dogs on his way out.

I, on the other hand, get up, get myself ready, pack my lunch (to help cut costs), get Rebekah up, pack her bag for the day, pack her lunch on daycare days, let the dogs out and get them back in, make sure they have food, feed the fish, give Sunny her ear meds, take Rebekah to daycare or my mom's, depending on the day, and then go to work.

Darren gets home at 4pm or so but he does more work on the computer. He will not start dinner. He doesn't think to do laundry. He might do the dishes if he's not busy with work.

I also make all the meals, do all the grocery shopping, pay the bills....

It's really hard and really really stressful. You're not alone.

Men dont' realize how much we are mentally/emotionally drained by the time we get home from OUR job and then have to take care of OUR kid(s) every night...

I certainly can't speak for all men, but I think it's more that they don't realize just how much you are doing, especially if they grew up in a house where chores were divided along traditional gender lines.

It might help if you can find a time to talk when you're not totally exhausted, and each of you can list out all the chores and such that you do. It should help him understand a bit more if he sees it written out like that. And conversely, you might find he actually does more than you've been giving him credit for (or not). Then you can work out a more equitable split of responsibilities.

And perhaps you can trade off on some things so he realizes how much work they really are. For example, I never appreciated how much work it is to plan dinner every day until Mary asked me to do it for a week.

Hang in there and hopefully things will get better.

Dennis

I certainly can't speak for all men, but I think it's more that they don't realize just how much you are doing, especially if they grew up in a house where chores were divided along traditional gender lines.

It might help if you can find a time to talk when you're not totally exhausted, and each of you can list out all the chores and such that you do. It should help him understand a bit more if he sees it written out like that. And conversely, you might find he actually does more than you've been giving him credit for (or not). Then you can work out a more equitable split of responsibilities.

And perhaps you can trade off on some things so he realizes how much work they really are. For example, I never appreciated how much work it is to plan dinner every day until Mary asked me to do it for a week.

Hang in there and hopefully things will get better.

Dennis
This is great advice :nod:

Some days everything just seems to pile on more and more, I hope things calm down for you

I certainly can't speak for all men, but I think it's more that they don't realize just how much you are doing, especially if they grew up in a house where chores were divided along traditional gender lines.
This is exactly what happens with me and Darren.

There is a fundamental difference between men and women, I think.

Men sit on the sofa and they WATCH the tv.

Women sit on the sofa and while watching tv they think about the laundry then need to do, what's for dinner tomorrow night, what dishes need to be done, and what the kids need.

Our brains just work differently. I wish we were a little more alike because I don't think Darren really knows all the things I do and plan every day. And, therefore, he doesn't do them.

Well said, Dennis :nod:

I have been there! The ideas from Dennis are great. Does he know how exhausted you have been and that you are burning out? Maybe he could pick up Abby so that can get home earlier for starters or is daycare by your work and therefore not possible for him to pick her up?

I can comiserate here, too! DH goes through periods like this, then gets his act together for a little while, then slacks off again. The only things that seem to work as motivators are sex and tears! :lol:

No, seriously. Dennis has given some good advice. When I calmly sit down with DH and explain that I'm teetering on the brink and feeling extremely overwhelmed, he usually listens to me and starts helping out more. He doesn't understand how overwhelmed I get until I flat out tell him. Now that he's aware there is a problem, he does that man thing and tries to find a solution. :)

And if that doesn't work, you can always resort to the sex and tears. :biggrin:

Dennis had some good stuff to say.
I am thinking back to when I was in your shoes...a working mom with a child in daycare and trying to run a household. I don't remember what I did to overcome the frustration, but I can tell you that at time, I felt like the same way you do :hug99:

Can you get someone to watch Abby one entire night(your parents?)? Stay in and you & Nate make dinner together. Sit at the table and just talk.....tell him how you feel. Words tend to flow when there isnt a child around to worry about. Then, sleep all night b/c Abby isnt there. You will feel refreshed the next day!!!

I have been there! The ideas from Dennis are great. Does he know how exhausted you have been and that you are burning out? Maybe he could pick up Abby so that can get home earlier for starters or is daycare by your work and therefore not possible for him to pick her up?
Well.......He used to pick up Abby when she was little but it didn't help any because when he got home he mainly had to care for her and couldn't get any house work done anyhow. So we switched and I started picking her up. But somewhere along the way he stopped doing a few chores while he had the luxury of being home alone and started this *need* to relax.:rolleyes:

Dennis' ideas are good and I do have to give my husband credit... he goes right home from work instead of screwing off or hanging out with his buddies, he will either help with dishes after dinner or bath Abby. We take care of those two things at the same time so one of us takes one chore and one takes the other.

But he says that he needs to sit down and wind down with a break after work...well what about me!:wtf: When do I get a break? I just feel that I'm constantly on the run and at the end of the night I'm completly exhausted and there is still a ton of things to get done.:faint:

Maybe tonight we can talk it out instead of me just loosing it and yelling at him while crying. I generally don't just loose it but it was just the last straw this morning.

I even made the comment last night... it was after her bath and he took her to play with her in the living room while he watched TV.... I told him that I would really be rather playing with her than still working in the kitchen. Do you think he volunteered to help me out. Nope.:blue:

I think I just need a cleaning lady and a nice vacation!!!! Too bad we can't afford that anymore! Maybe next year.:supergrin

Geez... thanks:hug99: for letting me vent so much and for letting me know that I am not the only one!! I already knew that but sometimes it's nice to know that others feel the same way sometimes.
I just feel like such a sissy sometimes complaining about being stressed and needed a break!

Can you get someone to watch Abby one entire night(your parents?)? Stay in and you & Nate make dinner together. Sit at the table and just talk.....tell him how you feel. Words tend to flow when there isnt a child around to worry about. Then, sleep all night b/c Abby isnt there. You will feel refreshed the next day!!!
Karri... we are doing this tonight!!!! My mom is keeping her over night because I told her that if I didn't get a break I might snap!!
Plus I need some alone time to work on balancing our accounts and working on our budget.

I think with a good night of sleep we will probably both be a lot better!

Tori, that's great you're getting a break tonight.

One other thing I want to add is make sure you are very direct about what you need. As I'm sure most of the women her will agree, most men do not pick up hints very well. For you, saying "I would rather be playing with Abby than cleaning the kitchen" means "Would you please clean so I could have a break and play with Abby for a while". To him, it means "I would rather be playing with Abby than cleaning the kitchen but that's life" or something like that.

Dennis

Tori, I could have written your entire post. I wish my ILs would take Genavieve for just one night so I could get a full night's worth of sleep. But, they aren't willing to take her until she starts sleeping through the night. :rolleyes: Alot of good that does me!!

Hang in there!

Tori, that's great you're getting a break tonight.

One other thing I want to add is make sure you are very direct about what you need. As I'm sure most of the women her will agree, most men do not pick up hints very well. For you, saying "I would rather be playing with Abby than cleaning the kitchen" means "Would you please clean so I could have a break and play with Abby for a while". To him, it means "I would rather be playing with Abby than cleaning the kitchen but that's life" or something like that.

Dennis

I was gonna say something like that!!!

Sometimes they are really bad at getting a hint. Directness might be the only way. "I need some help in the kitchen. I wash you dry....."

There's actually a funny article in this month's Parents magazine where a woman starts trying some of the tricks she uses on her kids, on her husband. She was tired of constantly asking him to do things, so she finally tried reducing it to "toddler speak." To get her husband to finally install the baby gates in her house, she put out the gates in the right spots, laid out the screw driver, and said to him, "Baby gates. Install. Today." It worked! :lol:

:lol:

There's actually a funny article in this month's Parents magazine where a woman starts trying some of the tricks she uses on her kids, on her husband. She was tired of constantly asking him to do things, so she finally tried reducing it to "toddler speak." To get her husband to finally install the baby gates in her house, she put out the gates in the right spots, laid out the screw driver, and said to him, "Baby gates. Install. Today." It worked! :lol:
I read that article Stef!! It cracked me up!!

I know that you did get a break this weekend, but I thought I would mention this too. When I feel overwhelmed, I make it a point to ask DH to do things by saying, "I am feeling overwhelmed right now with the baby, work, and everthing else, do you think you could do X" If I ask him to do X, he will, at times, ignore it or procrastinate, but when I say it that way, he usually gets the idea and does it immediately.

Thanks for all of your advice!

And I totally get what you mean about most men not getting hints real well..I should totally know better than that!

Alysia... Ya.. a lot of good that does you!! I'm lucky my Mom will keep her once in a while.

Friday night Nate came home and had been to the grocery store and he made dinner for me! We had time to ourselves and talked about a lot of my frustration. After that and a full night of restful sleep I feel like we are both new people again!

Now we just have to try and do better so things don't start going south again!

I am so glad you are doing better! It helps to have dinner made for you every now and then!! I hope it continues! :hug99:

Glad things are better!

Tori, I could have written your initial post. Right now I'm so overwhelmed I don't know which way is up, and it sucks rocks. I'm so glad things are better for you and Nate! :hug99:

I stopped making dinner ... "You want to eat honey? Yes? Well, I'll have whatever you're having." :biggrin:

Tori, here is another working mom who could have typed your initial post. But i also agree with Dennis. Yehuda DOES do a lot more than I give him credit for.
It is just SO hard to do all the different household chores while watching your husband sit on the couch watching TV or sitting in front of the internet.
With us it is a little different though. Yehuda has peak times at work. So when he works until 10, 11pm or even 2 am or later I certainly don't expect him to help. So the household chores are never evenly divided. They are always MY responsibility and he helps when he can/wants/remembers.

I don't know how I missed this thread!

I think the women's movement kind of screwed us. Sure, we could go to work after that, but now we're expected to work AND take care of the house and kids.

I don't know how I missed this thread!

I think the women's movement kind of screwed us. Sure, we could go to work after that, but now we're expected to work AND take care of the house and kids.
:lol: Right on Megan!!! Darn feminists!!

How are things going, Tori?

I've been there and I'm sure I'll be there again at some moment in this craziness we call life.

I'm proud of you for taking the time to vent and step back to look at ideas. Everyone gave you great ones. Don't ever be afraid to ask for support. No one can do it all.

Dennis nailed it. Be direct. Men don't "read into things" as we do. Say what you want first thing so you don't have resentments built up. Nothing is worse because it eats you up inside. I hope you continue your open dialog and that you work as a couple to raise your child and care for your home. There is something extremely satisfying about doing it together. My dh feels it too and we have really been a good team lately.

:hug99: I only work part time out of the home and I could have written your first post also.

You did get a lot of good replies and ideas. One other thing I do along the same lines of "toddler speak" is say, "Honey, do you want to bathe the kids or wash the dishes?" To him it seems like he has a choice and I don't care which of the 2 things he does as long as he isn't sitting on his butt while I do both. Men will do what they can get away with :rolleyes:

I am glad you got a break and things are better.

Hi guys... sorry I didn't check back in. But yes things are gong much better!!! My husband has been GREAT!! I think we both were just loosing it all at once! But now we are better. I think you have to about loose it every 6 months or so!!

Things around the house are much better. Abby is sleeping better. And DH got a second job P/T at Home Depot so we can reach our goal of paying off our debt in just over a year. I also have a few photography jobs lined up so I can pick up some extra money. Now I just have to practice back up again!

Thanks for all the advice... and letting me vent. I felt sooo much better!

One other thing I do along the same lines of "toddler speak" is say, "Honey, do you want to bathe the kids or wash the dishes?" To him it seems like he has a choice and I don't care which of the 2 things he does as long as he isn't sitting on his butt while I do both. Men will do what they can get away with :rolleyes: .
Any Ami... we do this exact thing every night and the choice actually is bathe Abby or wash dishes!! And your right... works great!

Glad things are going better!! And yay for Abby sleeping better too!

sorry