feeling like I can't go on!!!!!!!!!!

[Aussierach]

As many of you know my precious daughter Katy Rose was stillborn 23rd Sept 2003, with her bday/anniversary coming up, I feel like life is suffocating.:banghead:

I just want to curl up and not go on.

My husband is amazing but he tucks his emotions inside a lot. My family are great but still "life goes on attitude"

I feel like I am suffering alone, i feel like I should be silent and get on with things, I dreamt about Katy last night, except she was a healthy 8 month old (thats what she should have been) she was so beautiful, I could almost smell her, I woke with such a fright. :tear:

I don't know what to do, all the regrets keep coming back, why didn't I take photos, why didn't I hold her longer.

I want another baby, I know nothing can replace Katy, but I want to hold my child in my arms. I want to be a mummy to the world not just my family.

I want Katy back :sad:

[Aussierach]

:needhug: If roses grow in heaven

If Roses grow in heaven
Lord please pick a bunch for me
place them in my daughters arms
and tell her they are from me
tell her I love and miss her
and when she turns to smile
take her in your arms
and hold her for a while
because remembering her is easy
I do it every day
but there's an ache in my heart
that will never go away

[~Andrea~]

:sadhug: I don't have anything else to offer :blue:

[Stacey]

:hug99:

[Hilary]

:sadhug:

[Joan]

I am thinking of you!

[Shanna]

:bighug: You'll always be a mommy to us, RAchel :hug99:

[mrs.knip]

You are a mommy Rachel. :bighug: It has now been two years since the stillbirth of Natalie and even though I now have a beautiful 15 month old there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of Natalie. The hurt and pain will get less and less everyday but that small empty space will always be there. Just wanted you to know you are not the only one to feel this way I and I hope you soon have a baby to hold in your arms.

I also know how you feel about second guessing yourself too, I still do the same thing every once in a while. :bighug:

[Aussierach]

:hug99: thanks girls, I just had to get it all out yesterday.

feeling a little better today, but not much, thankfully as Jase is going to play in a golf comp tomorrow I can have a lazy day today and do the housework tomorrow.

again thanks for the support :hug99:

[Shanna]

We love you :bighug:

[Bev]

:hug99:

Not that it is close to the same thing, but last week for the first time ever DH actually mentioned that if not for the molar we would have a baby almost a year old. I didn't know he ever thought about it, even though I think about it a lot. It made me happy to think that he does remember what happened and even knows the approximate age it would have been.

I think men mistakenly believe they have to "be strong" for the women and not show emotion. What a load of :bs: If they did show emotion, we would at least know they have some!

And if it doesn't happen to them, family members not only don't think about it, they also think it is no big deal, so what's the problem. Also :bs: