Dr. Phil today....SAHM's vs. Working moms

[Dawn]

It just started here, and looks like an interesting show. Just wanted to fill you in, in case your interested in watching it. :)

[Dawn]

OMG...this is a really heated battle between working moms and SAHM's! WOW!
Let me know if any of you got to watch this and I wanna know what ya think.

[Brooke]

Why do they do these shows? It can't be for any other reason other than ratings because they KNOW it's a touchy subject and it will turn into a heated battle. :rolleyes:

[Dennis]

The bigger question is why is it such a heated battle?

[kim]

it's not on 'till 5 here....this oughta be a good one :rolleyes:

[Dawn]

Well basically it's like....a working mom feels she's right and a SAHM feels she's right. They have very strong opinions about their choices & each wants to be heard. But some of the things they are saying is SO not true and it's the way it's being said! Ugh!

WAHM is saying that she feels it's an accurate assumption to say that SAHM's use the computer and video games as babysitters and that SAHM's are wasting their skills and abilities by JUST staying at home, blah blah blah.

SAHM is saying that WAHM's should be ashamed of themselves for leaving their kids in a dirty filthy daycare and how can you let someone else raise your kids for 8-10 hrs. a day, etc. This lady is almost like convincing the WAHM's to stay at home with their kids.

It's like instead of each mom having an attitude of "I feel this is right FOR ME and I still respect what OTHER pple decide to do what's best for them", they are bashing each other.

It's 40 min. into the show and it's getting alot calmer than it was. In the very beginning it was pretty heated.

Gee, and what are we suppose to learn from this show? It's not like how I thought it was going to be. Ah well.......

[Smithy]

Is it a repeat??? I saw one he did before and I was so disappointed with it. I'm with Dennis--- Why does this have to be such a battle? The SAHM's were saying that working moms dump the responsibility of their kids on someone else. The working moms were saying the SAHM's were uneducated, put their kids in front of tv all day, etc. I was mad at Dr. Phil for not being more emphatic about how women shouldn't be attacking each other for their personal family decisions AND that everyone knows what is best for their family. I also wished I could have been in the audience to tell each side how upset I was with both of them- for their ridiculous attacks. I wonder if it's a follow-up show to that one??? I'm going to try and watch.


Corey

[Smithy]

We posted at the same time, Dawn!! That must be the show I saw earlier....

corey

[Dawn]

Corey....not sure if it's a repeat. I thought his shows lately were all new, but I could be wrong.

I, too, am disappointed with the show. I wish that Dr. Phil can chime in more and get it through everyone's head on the show that whether your a WAHM or SAHM this is a decision that you chose to make which works best for you...it doesn't make you any more or less of a mother for choosing staying at home or being in the work force and that there is no 'right' or 'wrong' just what you feel is RIGHT for you & your family! Geeze!

[Dennis]

I, too, am disappointed with the show. I wish that Dr. Phil can chime in more and get it through everyone's head on the show that whether your a WAHM or SAHM this is a decision that you chose to make which works best for you...it doesn't make you any more or less of a mother for choosing staying at home or being in the work force and that there is no 'right' or 'wrong' just what you feel is RIGHT for you & your family! Geeze!

Dawn, that's my point. I don't understand why some people take it so personally when others make different choices. Just because you choose to stay home doesn't mean that you are implying that we're wrong because Mary and I both work. We're all just doing what we feel is best for our families.

Dennis

[Dawn]

Dawn, that's my point. I don't understand why some people take it so personally when others make different choices. Just because you choose to stay home doesn't mean that you are implying that we're wrong because Mary and I both work. We're all just doing what we feel is best for our families.

DennisExactly, I agree. :nod: And what bothered me the most was that this SAHM, was VERY judgemental towards the mothers who worked. I am a SAHM and I would NEVER be so judgemental like that. I am proud and happy that I'm a SAHM just like WAHM are proud and happy that they are in the work force. As long as our kids are happy & nurtured and loved and the parents feel that they are doing what's best for them...then that's great. I think this particular SAHM had nothing better to do. :lol: Focus on yourself lady, and not what other mothers are doing! Okay...I'm done. :lol:

If you guys do watch it later, it will get you annoyed and somewhat aggravated as to what both these moms are saying. :disbelief:

[Brooke]

But there are ALOT of people who feel very strongly about the whole subject.

I personally haven't met any working moms who criticize SAHM for staying home.

But I have been criticized by SAHM's for working. The first thing my cousin's wife asked me when I told her I was pregnant was "so who's going to quit working, you or Darren?" When I said neither, she turned her nose up at me and gave me a speech about how SHE didn't work once she got pregnant. And I've had total strangers ask me if I work and then give me nasty looks when I say yes.

From my POV, it always seems like there is a SAHM who is criticizing and the working mom has to support her decision. My POV, of course.

[Shel]

I personally haven't met any working moms who criticize SAHM for staying home.
I don't think WM's criticize SAHM's, but I do think there are a lot of WM's who think that all SAHM's do is sit around and watch soap operas all day long. I think it's just a failure of some people to realize how something really is until they've walked a mile in someone else's shoes.



I personally have done it all: Worked full-time, stayed home full time, and worked only part time, and none of them are easy.

[Amy]

This was a repeat...it was a follow up to a show I did see (I didn't catch this episode during the regular season) where this particular WAHM Sonja and the SAHM Leah were just attacking each other. It's like the show's producers tried to get the most polarizing viewpoints out there...they were both stereotyping so badly!!

I did like the blond SAHM (Kathryn??) who stood up and said that being a SAHM was the best decision for her personally...she made that point clear. I wish all moms could support each other more for the decisions we make. Just because I'm a SAHM doesn't mean I think every mother should...it's not for me to judge. The SAHM on stage was really pi$$ing me off with her judgemental comments, and I thought it was great that a WM called her out on how judgemental she is by asking her what she would be teaching her kids if they saw her on the show.

I liked what Dr Phil's wife Robin had to say on the subject...and was I the only one surprised that she had been an industrial engineer prior to having kids?? I don't know what I thought she'd done, but it certainly wasn't that!!

[harmonielyn]

I wanted to see the show but I forgot until the show had 15 minutes left. :(

[~Andrea~]

But there are ALOT of people who feel very strongly about the whole subject.

I personally haven't met any working moms who criticize SAHM for staying home.

But I have been criticized by SAHM's for working. The first thing my cousin's wife asked me when I told her I was pregnant was "so who's going to quit working, you or Darren?" When I said neither, she turned her nose up at me and gave me a speech about how SHE didn't work once she got pregnant. And I've had total strangers ask me if I work and then give me nasty looks when I say yes.

From my POV, it always seems like there is a SAHM who is criticizing and the working mom has to support her decision. My POV, of course.
I think your POV is biased to whether you are a SAHM or a WOHM. I *DO* get critized by people for being a FT SAHM. Like why am I wasting my education. Why bother going to college if I'm not even going to use my degree. I am also made to feel guilty because Gabrielle has no interaction with children her own age. Part of the sacrifice of me not working is there is no money for playgroups or gymboree etc. It's like so many other "hot topics" of parenting. I admit, before I was a SAHM, I couldn't understand why mom's would CHOOSE to work (not people who HAD to, but those who WANTED to work). But being a SAHM has made me realize it's not for everyone. The grass is always greener IYKWIM. I wish my job was something I could do PT, but it's not (I was a teacher).

No matter whether you are a SAHM or a WOHM you are making certain sacrifices for your family. Some more than others. We all do the best for our own families. Why can't that be enough?!? People get so touchy about their decisions and feel the need to defend them, when really there is no reason to. There is no RIGHT or WRONG way here. There are no conclusive studies over which is best because what is best for one child is not always best for another.

People just need to lighten up. Make the best decision for you family and stop judging other moms.

[Cortney]

GRRRRRR......I'm glad I didn't see this. It just would've pushed my buttons the wrong way. Although I haven't worked since Morgan was born, I did go to school full time (I ended up being gone 40-45 hours a week) and now I stay at home, so I kind of consider myself experienced in both worlds. And each worked best for us as a family at that point in our lives.

I just get SOOOO tired of people passing judgement on each other, because it's not OUR job to judge each other. We don't know what the other person needs or wants to do or what their individual goals and desires are. We're all trying as hard as we can in our specific situations to do what's best for our families so why do we have to judge each other......can't we just offer support- no matter what peoples work choices are (or feeding choices, etc, etc)??????

[~Andrea~]

BTW Brooke, I didn't mean that whole post aimed at you!! It was a general statement. I just quoted what you said to point out that what you feel (as a WOHM) is going to be different than how I feel (as a SAHM). I didn't want you to think I was bashing you :hug1:

[Stacy]

I saw part of the show and all I could do was shake my head. Every woman has to do what is best for their situation.
I have to admit that I get really tired of the question "so do you work or just stay home with Dylan?":furious:

The comment Dr. Phil made about the SAHMs/Ds working the equlivalent of 2 full-time jobs can work for WOHMs/Ds too. They work full-time out of the house then come home and work full-time taking care of their families.

[Dawn]

Unfortunately, whenever there's criticizm about SAHMs from some (not all)WMs there will be criticizm about WM from some (not all) SAHMs. I agree, it shouldn't be at all. Not all SAHM/WM criticize, but some do and it's a shame. I, too, have had 'hints dropped' shall I say, about my education being wasted and about Alexia not getting alot of interaction with other kids and blah blah blah. If they think I have all the time in the world to get my nails done (like what was stated in the show) and watch tv and eat bon bons, that's such a load of crap. I do my job the best that I can & give it my all which is primarily taking care of Alexia just like a WM will do the best job they can while they are working...whether it's a CPA, a secretary, engineer, etc. We should all respect one another and what we do whether it is staying at home or working in the work force. It's not a contest and both are not easy. As what's been said alot in these posts, there is no right or wrong just what is right for you and your family...and if your happy & if it's working, then that's great. That's all that matters. :)


Amy - Yes, I too was very shocked to learn that Dr. Phil's wife was an industrial engineer!

[sheila]

Mothers & More awarded Dr. Phil their Apple Pie in the Face award for this show.
http://www.mothersandmore.org/Advocacy/drphil2.shtml

[SarahK]

I have been criticized by other women (some working mothers, some single working women) for choosing to be a SAHM. They didn't accuse me of eating bonbons and watching television all day, but they were very shocked that someone with my education and training would choose to stay home--and they certainly didn't approve of my choice.

Whatever--I don't care. I do what is best for my family and if someone doesn't like my choice, then they better keep their mouth shut and their dirty looks to themself or else I'll let them have it...just ask my MIL! ;)

[Cortney]

Whatever--I don't care. I do what is best for my family and if someone doesn't like my choice, then they better keep their mouth shut and their dirty looks to themself or else I'll let them have it...just ask my MIL! ;)

Good for you Sarah!!! This is the way we all should be. :nod:

[mama2jackson]

While I didn't the show, I'm glad I didn't. I just can't stand moms judging other moms. Just do what is best for YOUR family and that should be the end of the discussion.


Whatever--I don't care. I do what is best for my family and if someone doesn't like my choice, then they better keep their mouth shut and their dirty looks to themself or else I'll let them have it...just ask my MIL! ;)
Good for you Sarah! And I feel the exact same way :nod:!

[AahRee]

I'm another SAHM who has gotten plenty of criticism (veiled, and not-so-veiled) from WOHMs about *wasting my education* and *not properly socializing my child*. :rolleyes: I've actually never met a SAHM (IRL... I totally believe they're out there...) who has criticized a WOHM. Actually, most of the SAHMs I know, when they're around moms who work full or part time, wind up apologizing for the fact that they're *able* to SAHM (disregarding all the sacrifices they're making to do so) and trying to prove that they don't fit the bon-bon eating, brainless, pampered-princess image that won't seem to die regarding SAHMs. And the WOHMs I know either criticize the SAHMs or go on and on about how jealous they are, and how nice it must be to be able to afford stay at home (and then, in the next breath, talk about planning to buy a brand-new SUV...). These are my friends, and I know that they don't mean to be offensive, but sheesh! Enough already!

I totally agree with Sarah's sentiments. Do what's best for your family, and I'll do what's best for mine. If that means having a paid job, great. If not, great. But if you're jealous about my choice and wish you had made a different one, instead of complaining to me about it, DO something about it. Either make different financial choices so you CAN SAH, or accept that you want a certain type of lifestyle that mandates you working, and be happy with that. Be proud of and confident in your choices, because they can't be wrong if they work for your family. And support other moms - those who make the same choices, and those who make different choices - because we're ALL doing the best thing for our families.

(Ugh. I think I needed to get that out. I had a friend visit this weekend who is not a mom yet, but is totally convinced that she knows how she's going to feel about it when she is, which is great for her. I hope it works out the way she plans, but whatever she winds up doing is great with me. But she's also convinced that other people - namely a certain SAHW she knows (not me) - are *wasting their life* by SAH. :rolleyes: I had a LEEETTTLLLE pent up frustration!)

[Dori]

AahRee - you took the words out of my mouth.
I have absolutely been critisized, more than once, about being a SAHM by WM's. BUT, I know what is best for my family and for Lauren. I try to socialize her in gymnastics and gymboree when I am there! My sister is a WM and I know that its hard work, I don't envy her. When Dr. Phil made the point that being a SAHM is like working two full time jobs I don't think he was saying that being a WM is easy, I think he as touching on the ever so popular generalization that SAHM's have it easy.

Dori

[NickiB]

I feel that no matter whether you work or stay at home, that if family is your focus, that is the most important thing. Our children will benefit from that more than anything.
Either way, no one should be judged for their decisions. It is what works best for them at that time in their lives.

[MtBikeLover]

I am a WM (my DH is a full-time SAHD) who has never criticized anyone, either WM or SAHM. But I do make it very clear when anyone asks why my husband stays home, that we would never put our child in daycare and that we would not have had kids to have them raised by someone else. That was a choice that we both felt was right for us and was made before we had kids. Everyone needs to make the choice that they feel is right for their family. I do not look down on anyone that chooses to use daycare or nannies and I never criticize them. I am extremely grateful that we are able to afford for one of us to stay home.

I always think it is wonderful to hear that one parent is staying home with their children and am shocked that some of you SAHMs have had such negative responses. I know for a fact that my DH does not sit around and watch TV or play on the internet all day. Staying home is in many ways much harder than working - I know that I could never do it and I applaud everyone that does.

[rafroh]

.[/QUOTE]. Staying home is in many ways much harder than working - I know that I could never do it and I applaud everyone that does.[/QUOTE]:help:
I could not agree with you more, SHM are the Super Moms

What about us that have a full scale business at home? Where do we fall, WMAH (working mom at home), lets face it, WE all deserve a Gold Medal for just being MOMS

Regardless of our status, It is hard and soooo rewording no mater how you slice it.

PS: I’m working on my official intro and the photos.

[magoo]

I saw the first show when it originally aired, and I can't even express how disappointed I was. I couldn't believe that Dr. Phil would just let these women spout of negative stereotype after negative stereotype. Then I realised it was most likely just a ratings ploy. It really was pathetic.

Fortunately no one has ever said anything negative about me being a SAHM to my face. Most people just say that it's great that I'm able to do it.

[Chantal]

I am a WAHM... so I have the best of both worlds :lol: My education/background is in childcare - so it was an easy decision for my DH and myself to choose that I not return to the *outside* work force - rather I would bring it home to me.

What burns me... is WM's who sit and complain about how awful it is that they have to work... leave their children behind, ect... Well - my answer to that... is do what I did! I stay home, raise my child, raise other children so my child has daily interation with other kids, make MORE money than I did when I was out *there* working and our write-offs are incredible!

I dont think there is ANY right or wrong here (WM/SAHM/WAHM)... I think that Moms just need to find out what suits them best - and go with it.

Anyhow... thats my ramble ;)